The Middle Finger: Funky FOX Hats

I get it. It was cold in Green Bay this past weekend. But this is the NFL for chrissakes. It's no time to be a bitch. It's the NFC Championship game! The FOX studio crew and a sideline reporter acted like the game was played on the ice planet of Hoth (you better believe that I can bust out an Empire Strikes Back reference at any time)! I don't care if you want to bundle up off camera, but when the camera is on you, try not to look like an idiot.

And that's why this week's Middle Finger goes to "Funky FOX Hats".

Let's start first with studio host, Curt Menefee. You could tell that Menefee didn't want to be there and he perpetuated the stereotype that African Americans hate the cold. But I give him credit, he could have easily worn some type of insulated headwear, but no, he toughed hit out. He hit the airwaves with nothing on his bald dome and I respect that. I could do without the scarf (if a guy wears scarf, no matter what the temperature, that is a telltale sign that he is gay). Kudos to you, Curt.

Terry Bradshaw. Ugh. I HATE guys that wear those stupid caddy hats. How do those things protect you from the cold any way? He looked like the world's worst bag handler. Like you would be lined up from 100 yards out on a par 4 and he would recommend a 5 wood. You know, because he's an idiot and that stupid hat (Dusty "Dut" Baker rocked that same look during the World Series this year and he, too, failed to make it work) doesn't help change my opinion. He looked like Grover Dill from A Christmas Story! Only drug dealers and morons wear caddy hats...which group do you think Bradshaw falls under?

Jimmy Johnson decided to wear one of those wraps that covers your ears and that left his normally statuesque hair, a veritable mess. I like Jimmy for reasons that I can't quite comprehend since he coached my least favorite teams in NFL history. He's poignant and knows what he's talking about. And I thought his look Sunday was great. Not the choice of headgear, mind you, but just that that hair was all over the place. That "head wrap" look sucks beyond recognition. You wind up looking homeless or like Bill Belichick (isn't that the same thing?). I think my grandma got me one of those things a few years back and it immediately went into a dumpster. Grandma, I look gay enough as it is, I don't need your help.

And then there is the Fargo look. On a completely unrelated soapbox, Fargo is one of the worst movies ever made. Fargo is Hollywood's version of a hangover shit...you're not quite sure what's going on, there are some decent moments, but in the end you feel worse and even more confused. Anyway, Howie Long and Chris Myers both rocked these ridiculous hats. Is there anything more funny-looking than 2 grown men ON TV wearing a hat with bulky ear flaps??? Yeah guys, you may have been a bit warmer, but there aren't many people clammering for the "Flick from A Christmas Story" fashion trend (wow, 2 references to that movie). It would have been awesome if Menefee wore the Schwartz extremely long stocking cap. By the way, Howie Long is an idiot. Did he have to go hunting as soon as the game ended and wanted to be dressed and ready to go? I'm sure all your fans in Raider Nation were proud of that manly display. And shame on you, Chris Myers. The Fargo hat AND mittens??? MITTENS! You're a grown man (may not be true), not a 6 year old girl (may be very true).

FOX makes me laugh. These guys just don't care how stupid they look. The only thing that matters to them is putting out a mediocre broadcast with a lot of forced laughter. And it is embarrassing, too. Not just to them, but to all of us. Say you're watching the halftime show, Howie Long is breaking down his role in Broken Arrow, and your hooker walks in.
Them: Why are you watching a show about ice fishing?
You: It's the NFC Championship.
Them: Oh, he looks like a retard. I'm going to go clean the gonorrhea stains off your bed.
You: Thanks and when you're done, come back down here because I'm going to cut your head off.



All I'm asking for is some professionalism, FOX. I pray that the Super Bowl pregame show has you guys in suits and not wife-beaters. Enjoy this Middle Finger assfucks, maybe you can remember what it was like to be men and not the prepubescent girls that you were on Sunday.


***Finally, I'm going to be waddling my ass to The Schott tonight to see some crappy Big Ten basketball (Illinois/Ohio State). I'll have a rundown tomorrow.