Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Hump Day Hump

Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, the "Some People Just Aren't Smart" Edition.

***Laurinaitis is dumber than Katzenmoyer - It's that time of year when underclassmen have to declare their intentions for either going pro or staying in school. I just don't understand what Little Animal is thinking here. Buckeye fans, put your own selfishness aside for a minute, how dumb is this? You've only got so many hits on your body and when the time is right, you need to go get paid. Laurinaitis is guaranteed to drop no further than 7th in the draft, would get at least 15-20 million in guaranteed coin, and could step right in and replace Junior Seau on a Super Bowl champion defense. But for some reason, he decided to stay in college for another year. I'm not really sure why. I know that his family doesn't need the money. Does Tressel pay better than the NFL (a very good possibility)? Does he want to be included on the list of Big Ten players killed by USC? Does he want to get embarrassed in January again? No one knows but him. But I know that this is a stupid move. Go get paid, you've already done what you could in college.

***Congress knows nothing about baseball but has no problem pointing fingers - Yesterday, Bud Selig and Don Fehr went to Capitol Hill to get drilled by the people who apparently have nothing better to do. The best part of this entire bore-a-thon was that congress butchered the pronounciation of almost everyone's name. Some bitch referred to Selig as "Mr. Selleck", another idiot called Raffy Palmiero "Palmerry", and Giants GM Brian Sabean was referred to as "Mr. Suh-beeen". Look, if you are going to grill these guys for allowing drugs to run rampant, at least know the names of the people. That's pathetic. And these are the same people who likely all have received illegal campaign funds. USA! USA! USA!

***Jason Garrett is actually very smart - You all know that I compliment a Cowboy about as much as I praise terrorists, but in this instance, Garrett is a genius. He knows that Plasticface Jones wants to keep him. He knows he is a hot commodity around the league. He knows that if he plays his cards right, he will get the position that he wants. Garrett will likely get offered the job in Baltimore and Atlanta. He will then take that back to Plasticface and say "you give me the head coach job here in Dallas or I walk." And thus Plasticface fires Wade and Garrett gets the job that he's wanted for a long time. It's actually quite genius. Don't hate the player, hate the game. But I would be said to see Wade go. He allows me to play one of my favorite games...the "What Old Country Singer Does Wade Have Playing In His Headset" game. Last week: Loretta Lynn.

***Pacman Jones would have done the same thing to Dan Fielding - Ah yes, Pacman is back at the strip clubs and better than ever. Now it's being reported that Mr. Total Nonstop Action punched a female lawyer in the eye in a strip club office. He accused either her or the club of stealing his watch and other stuff. This is fantastic. I could read stories about Pacman all day. The guy dabbles in a lot of sweet things: whether it be the NFL, strip clubs, professional wrestling, or breaking the law, Pacman Jones truly is a Renaissance Man. And he should be commended for his blatant disregard of human decency to instead do whatever the hell he wants to.

***Rich Rodriguez wasn't in Boiler Room - Remember that scene in Boiler Room where Giovanni Ribisi's character comes back to the office to see some guy shredding a bunch of incriminating shit? Well, apparently, Dick-Rod did the same thing before leaving WV. Hilarious. "Sources" state that all of WV's player files have disappeared and that it's like none of these player's histories even existed. My question is this...why wasn't this stuff all on a computer? If this information was truly important, than why was it sitting in a dusty filing cabinet in the coach's office? Oh wait, computers aren't scheduled to be introduced into West F'n Virginia until 2012. I just answered my own question. The more you hear about him, the more you have to think that Dick-Rod is a sleezebag. Enjoy the recruiting scandal in a few years, Michigan fans.

***Hockey still doesn't get it - I don't claim to be a hockey expert even though I've watched more of it this year than I have in my entire life. But one thing I do know is that the strike was terrible for the sport and player salaries were one of the main reasons for the lockout. So what does hockey do? The Capitals sign Alexander Ovechkin to a 124 million dollar contract. Those idiots are falling into the same trap again. If Ovechkin, who I'm told is good, gets this much scratch, than what is Sidney Crosby going to command when it's time for him to negotiate? 200 mill? Nip this in the bud (whatever that means), Gary Bettman, or you're going to have more labor pains ahead. And I don't want to see that, I'm actually enjoying Blue Jackets hockey this year.

***I'm tired of Tom Cruise - I don't quite know what to say here. Tom Cruise being crazy is about as rare as a story of Simon Cowell being a jerk. Let me just give you a quote from a video that has him preaching about aliens and L. Ron Hubbard. “It’s rough and tumble, and it’s wild and woolly and it’s a blast,” he says. “It’s a blast. It really is fun, because ... there is nothing better than ... going out there and fighting the fight and, suddenly you see, things are better.” This has got to be the first time that a "religion" has been deemed wild and wooly. What an idiot. Yes, he's a Redskins fan, too.

Alright, I'm outta here. Tomorrow, I've got a fun one planned. I promise.


Lil' Strut said...

I don't understand why it is so hard to believe Laurinaitis would stay at Ohio State. Players considering the jump make comments all the time about how they hear about the NFL making football a job rather than a sport and that a lot of players who did make the jump early have some feelngs of regret after doing so. Look at A.J. Hawk, he stayed for his senior year and I would challenge you to find more people who would argue Laurinaitis is better than Hawk was. Look at their stats, Hawk's were far more impressive than J.L.'s are and Hawk was even splitting tackles with a far better linebacking corp. Hawk has no regrets about staying for his Sr. Year at Ohio State and he too was in a similar situation as J.L. with definite first round status and gauranteed money.

Lastly,and probably most importantly, Laurinaitis is in a financial position to stay at Ohio State. Yeah, he may be cutting a year off his NFL career and in the process be costing himself millions of dollars, but in the long run for him, do you really think several million less dollars over a career is going to prohibit him from leading the same life he would if he were to leave early. No, it wont, because more than likely, he will still get the same type of money next year and the difference between what he will earn over a career if he would have left early compared to staying another year can be more than offset by the fact that his family is wealthy already and happiness and Ohio State are higher on his priority list than losing your affinity for a sport you once loved and making a lot of money.

Oh and Pacman Jones...fucking idiot, seriously. You want to talk about a guy screwing himself in the ass by not taking advantage of the opportunities hes been given, he is your poster child. I liked the "Renaissance Man" label by the way.

Anonymous said...

That's quite a post lil' strut. I couldn't have said it better myself. Some things are more important than money. If J.L. wants to stay, fine. It's his life, he knows what's best for him, so who is anyone to say it's a bad move. Whatever makes him happy is fine with me.


GMoney said...

I see your point completely. I'm just saying that things happen. Just look at Alvin Mack in The Program! Ripped up his knee and couldn't play again and thus couldn't buy his momma that house he promised!

Like I said, you've only got so many hits in that body (especially his impact positions like RB and LB), I would think it is better to get paid. Look at Katzenmoyer, you only get one shot.

I still don't understand why he came back though. I'm sure he is still considered a freshman academically so a degree is out of the question.

He's not even close to Hawk because Laurinaitis blows in pass coverage. Hawk has no regrets though because he walked into a perfect situation in Green Bay. If he was in Atlanta now, I would bet you that he would have regretted not leaving early. But Little Animal would drop no farther than the PATRIOTS at #7. A guaranteed starting position from the day he walks into camp. How could you pass that up???

Good post though, lil' strut, very well spoken. Agree to disagree on that topic.

J Beanie said...

Laurinaitis has already won the Nagurski and the Butkus Award and is a two time All-American. What else does he want to do in college? Lose another national title game? That won't happen because OSU won't get to the title game.

Great comparison between Rodriguez and Boiler Room. I wanted to say something bout this in my blog but couldn't bring myself to do it. I think it's great though. He isn't covering anything up, he's just making sure the next coach doesn't know anything about the players and what he did there so he can be no where near as successful as him. There won't be a scandal. If Reggie Bush doesn't get caught at USC, Rod will be fine at UM. And please don't call him Dick-Rod anymore. It hurts my feelings.

Anonymous said...

Nice post Lil' Strut...JL can do whatever he wants. As you said, most people say playing college football blows away playing pro football and the money will be there next year. Plus, his family is well off...look at Noah and Horford.

I think he also wants to leave OSU as a legend. If you are only here for three years then you are just going to be rememberred as a really good player. You stay here a fourth year, wina ton of awards, be a three time all-american, possibly win a national leave regarded like a Spielman. Gotta respect that.

* for your worry about the NHL salaries...don't be. There is still a cap as to how muc a player can make in a's a certain percentage of the cap for each team. Ovechkin's contract is worth so much due to the amount of years he signed for them. So, Crosby will probably get something very similar unless the Penguins can sign him for like 20 years. If you aren't a Crosby or Ovechkin and are just an all-star then you are looking more like what Pavel Datsyuk signed for with the Red Wings last year....7 years, $ 47M.


Anonymous said...

"I'm sure he is still considered a freshman academically so a degree is out of the question."

Ummm...he was an Academic All-American this year. He's definitely graduating.

-- Drew

GMoney said...

Care to place a wager on that? I'd love to see the class schedule that he takes. I'm guessing it's "katzenmoyer-esque".

Anonymous said...

maybe the same major as your beloved AA