Thursday, March 29, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
(***Disclaimer; this is probably my favorite story ever)
I'm reading the NCAA post-weekend fall-out this morning at work and I find this interesting little nugget about Florida's pre-game on Thursday night before they beat Butler. Apparently, Billy Donovan is the smartest man ever as instead of giving his team a pep-talk himself, he brought in Ric Flair to do it instead. Wow! Now that is coaching. I guess The Nature Boy was strutting and Wooooing like crazy in front of these kids right before they took the floor...I can't even comprehend how awesome this would've been to see live. Because of this, and I had them anyway, Florida is going to repeat easily because no other team could top getting Ric Flair to support them. Congratulations, Gators, on going back to back. It's over, no need to play the games.
Of course, this got me thinking. My boss is out sick today so I've been doing even less than I normally do. It got me thinking about the greatest story ever told. The night I was almost killed by Mr. Perfect (The Genius was not there although he looks magnificent in this picture).
OK. I'm 16 years old and it's Thanksgiving break. Black, Rune, Buke, Shegitz, Glick (I think), and myself head up to Seagate Center in Toledo for a taping of WCW Saturday Night. You know, the show that WCW used to run that featured terrible matches and never advanced any storylines. Anyway, to start things out, we leave at like 3 pm and Buke is already hammered. He's laying in the back of John's Wagoneer (yes, THEE Wagoneer) and rainbow vomits all over himself no more than 5 minutes into the trip. We had to pull over on 24 to clean his ass up. Alright, we get up there and our seats are general admission so we're waiting in line forever so we can get near the rail where the wrestlers walk down and get on tv. I should tell you that I took a big tube of eye-black that baseball players wear and painted a Hulk Hogan beard on myself...it looked terrible. I also made signs!!! I really can't remember that much but if memory serves me, I had a sign that featured our Pacers intramurals logo (Superman logo but with a P instead of an S), one that read (For a Good Time, Call [whatever Zamarippa's phone number was] and Ask For Armando, and a (Goldberg Fears Z-Man) sign. They all got on tv. I should also point out that while we are waiting in line to get in for two and a half hours, Buke was passed out on the floor of the arena with puke all over his pants. But I did get former terrible wrestler, Glacier's autograph. You're jealous.
The matches were terrible. Buke woke up only to almost get ejected by getting caught on camera by the WCW guys flipping off Eddie Guerrero. This was hilarious by the way. These big white trash HJ's screaming at a 15 year old kid that was drunk out of his mind. If anyone remembers Miss Jackie (I think she may have been with Harlem Heat at the time), he did propose to her that night in the parking lot.
Which brings me to my story. We have nowhere to go when the show ends so we all go back to the wrestler's parking lot and wait for them to leave. There's a group of about 15 people standing around each exchanging insults to yell at the wrestlers, for some unknown reason, before they got in their car. All of a sudden, it's my turn. I'm standing next to Black and say "I'm gonna pick a fight with whoever walks out next." And by God, who comes strolling out the door about 10 seconds later...
Curt Fucking Hennig. Mr. Perfect.
"SUCK MY ASS, HENNIG, YOU BITCH! I'LL WHIP YOUR ASS!"--me, screaming this as loud as I can due to him being about 30-40 yards away
He says nothing. But I do notice that he is walking right toward me. He gets about 20 yards away and I'm trying to decide "Do I have the balls to fight Mr. Perfect?" I decide I do not. I start running away from the group, not too far away, but far enough for Hennig to know that I'm a giant vagina. He gets into his car, I thank God that I'm not on the receiving end of a "Perfect-Plex" and that I did not shit myself, and he pulls out of the lot.
To save some face, I thought it was best if I insulted him again. So here I am with my fake Hulk Hogan eye-black beard, chasing Mr. Perfect's car down the street in downtown Toledo.
"GET BACK HERE, YOU BITCH. I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS!"
I'm about 15 yards from his back bumper until I noticed that the traffic light we were both approaching was yellow. We both hit the brakes, him in his car, me on my feet. The only difference was that he waited at the light while I ran back to my buddies with my tail between my legs.
Fast forward to some random day in 2003 when I read that Curt Hennig was found dead in his hotel room somewhere. I think I read later that it was a drug overdose or something. That day was also probably the last time I thought of this great tale.
Hennig, you may have won the battle on the mean streets of Toledo, but I won the war.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
-The first three games were terrible. Although they got killed, Brook Lopez can play, his brother couldn't beat Barry Sonnenberg today.
-Louisville fan are nuts, very annoying, but very passionate and absolutely owned Rupp.
-Speaking of which, Rupp Arena is amazing...truly a basketball shrine.
-The BYU/Xavier was a great game. Danny Ainge's kid is a really good PG.
-The Xavier fans traveled very well and I would say, on Saturday, were close to filling up 20% of the gym, OSU 25%, A&M 5%, and the Ville had half the fans there. Everyone was rooting for X that wasn't wearing scarlet and gray.
-Listening to ESPN radio the whole way home and seeing Sportscenter, I can't believe there hasn't been any controversy about Oden's 5th foul being such a blatant cheap shot flagrant foul. When you double forearm shiver someone basically into the band, THAT IS A FLAGRANT FOUL. I hate OSU.
-You don't really see all that Acie Law does for that team until you can watch him live. The guy is a flat out stud and the definition of a glue guy.
-Nothing beat seeing all those Louisville bumpkin fans downtrodden after their loss.
-Great exchange between a couple of greenhorns after the OSU/X game and this is the gist of it:
Drunk Buckeye fan that looked like Adam Trauthwein: No team that sucks dick is going to knock out the #1 seed!!!
Drunk, toothless 'Ville fan: Fuck you, bitch, let's go, I'm gonna beat your ass.
It got broken up, but nevertheless, it was hilarious and happened right in front of us. Which also led to a random Kentuckian wearing a denim jacket and with his mop top over his ears to tell us that not all Kentuckians are hilljacks. It was a great 4-5 minute exchange.
-This may come as a surprise, but the three hottest cheerleading squads were 1. BYU, 2. A&M, 3. Xavier...it wasn't even close, BYU's broads were smoking. The guys sitting in front of us brought binoculars JUST to see them...Buke thought this was a great idea.
-Anyway, started off with three shitball games and ended with three of the best games in the tournament...great time.
I did, however, forget my camera in the hotel on Thursday so the pictures start on Friday...all apologies. Thursday did feature:
***the four of us slamming beers in between games at a local watering hole
***the very large African-American sitting next to me at the bar starting our conversation with this question--"Would Layla Ali knock you out?"
My reply "Why are you asking me that? I guess it depends how many rounds the fight is."
Him: "I don't know, six."
Me: "SIX ROUNDS! I couldn't even get through half a round, of course she would knock me out."
Him: "Not me, I'd kick her ass."
I'm gonna be generous, this guy weighed about 4 bills and thinks he could go 6 rounds in a boxing ring with a pro boxer. He couldn't beat Glass Joe.
***Buke brought out this gem, "I'm not gonna be able to fall asleep if I'm not drunk."
Check out the pics.
1. Damman says "Get the fuck in, we're going to the casino." We should've done a before and after of this mini-trip...ouch.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Roy Howard Browning says "Ummm...fuck you."
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
**Steve Alford will be fired by Iowa
**Tommy Amaker should be fired by Michigan
**I loved the Carmelo-led Orange when they won the title in 2003, but I absolutely hate Jim Boeheim and all the whining he does today. He is pathetic.
**Akron got what they deserved, no postseason tournament. Make a fucking free throw.
**Florida is my pick to win it all. I don't like teams that say they can flip a switch, but, if Lee Humphrey can hit the trey, they will be almost impossible to oust.
**Butler will be the first of three 5 seeds to lose in the first round. They aren't athletic and the book is out on how to beat them. Look for Old Dominion to represent the CAA well.
**Maryland/Davidson is an interesting matchup...never bet against a team that has Daryl Strawberry rooting for them.
**Similar to the NFL theory, if EVERYONE says that something is going to happen, it won't. Notre Dame will beat Winthrop. You are a sucker if you think the Eagles make a run. I nominate ND C Luke Harangody as one of my favorite players in the nation. Doesn't he look an awful lot like former NHS great, Jason "Big Hudha" Gerken???
**I don't like the Redhawks matchup with Oregon, but I don't hate it either. If they can control the tempo and hit a few jumpers, I am positive that the great Charlie Coles can outcoach The Village Idiot of Eugene, OR, Ernie Kent.
**UNLV is a scary team...
**Wisconsin will be the first big seed to lose...they just aren't impressive and haven't shot well in the last month.
**I will never buy in to Kansas until Bill Self. and the choke job that he carries around with him every March, gives me reason to.
**Even though they shouldn't, UK will fire Tubby Smith if they lose in the first round.
**Illinois is a lock to beat Va Tech...this game is so uninteresting. Va Tech does nothing for me at all.
**Southern Illinois will get to the Sweet 16...and if they can come up with a mammoth effort, get to the Elite 8.
**I hate to say this but Duke will beat VCU...somehow. VCU is better but Coach Kfdasjkrew will find a way. I hate Duke, don't get me wrong, but I love PG Greg Paulus. I always have respect for a guy that plays hard ALL THE TIME, no Rudy Gay bullshit, non-stop constantly. Josh McRoberts is still a loser at the game of life.
**Wright St. PG DaShaun Wood (another favorite) will give Pitt problems, but Pitt's size will get them to the Sweet 16...even if Aaron Gray is the second most overrated player in the nation.
**Unless Indiana and tournament disaster Kelvin Sampson come up with an amazing effort that they haven't played with all season, UCLA can pack their bags for Atlanta.
**North Carolina. Man, they can run. I just think that youthful mistakes catch up to you. And don't forget that they have the most overrated player in the nation, Ol' Facemask Tyler Hansbrough. I hate his game. He is slow, he holds the ball below his waist so guards can strip it, and his post moves plain suck. He will cost them in the Sweet 16.
**Marquette/Michigan St. could be really fun, and don't sleep on the winner, they will have a good chance to beat UNC.
**Arkansas is playing for Stan Heath's job (another favorite of this blog) and they have to prove the critics wrong. They will push USC.
**Reggie Theus (looks like A-Rod) is going to have to summon all of his Hang Time coaching skills to have a chance to beat everyone's darling team, Texas. Who doesn't love Kevin Durant? Raise your retarded hands. This team will beat UNC and vie for a Final Four slot.
**Al Skinner is the worst coach ever. Bob Knight sucks in the tournament the last 20 years. BC wins because Jared Dudley looks like Mary Zehnder...I don't think it's that much of a stretch either.
**Georgetown is a monster. Unstoppable. Great defense, amazing post presence, and their guards are coming along...they will be in the championship game.
**I've not liked the Buckeyes all season just becuase they take so many terrible shots, but Oden is awake and playing like a freak. But they could have used a loss down the stretch to ground them a bit. I'm pulling a big upset card by saying they lose in the Sweet 16.
**Watch out for BYU, the mormons can play and sell bibles door-to-door.
**Tennessee is my big time sleeper. Chris Lofton is my #1 non-Kevin Durant, non-Redhawk man crush. They have a big score to settle with the Buckeyes after losing there in January on Ron Lewis's crap three. Elite 8 for my boy, Bruce Pearl...and they have a guy named Chism.
**Louisville/Stanford will be fun. The Lopez Twins are the real deal, but can you pick against the 'Ville playing in KY???
**A&M is going to the Final Four if they can get by Louisville. Playing the Regional in San Antonio is a gift and Acie Law is definitely on the man-crush team of this blog.
**I think Memphis is better than everything thinks but I could see them losing to Nevada in round 2.
Wrap it up. Final Four - Florida, UCLA, Georgetown, and Texas A&M
All Man-Crush Team
G - Greg Paulus, Duke
G - Acie Law IV, A&M
G - Chris Lofton, Tennessee
F - Kevin Durant, Texas
C - Luke Harangody, Notre Dame
My bench consists of Redhawks Tim Pollitz, Doug Penno, and Michael Bramos.
This team would win every game.
Enjoy the Dance, Lexington has some really good games and I will post a bunch of pics on here when we get back and if I can figure out how to work my digital camera. Peace, I'm out until Sunday or Monday.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
A couple of good sports/sex stories out there right now. Let's break them down.
1. LSU women's hoops coach Pokey Chatman resigns due to reports of sexual relationship with former player
--This is awesome. This is everything that I was hoping women's sports was about. Two girls getting nasty in the shower. Pokey's a good looking woman too which makes the visions of her munching rug even better...not the typical (redacted) militant dyke at all. I'm just hoping to God she wasn't doing the girl in the picture on the left that looks like Beetlejuice from Howard Stern or the one in the middle that looks like Dwyane Wade. This is exactly what men need to pay attention to women's hoops, more lesbos. This blog's rule about women's hoops is: "If the most exciting play in your sport is a lay-up, there better be a good supply of attractive box-chowers." Can you imagine hearing this during the Final Four:
Jim Nantz: Oh, Susie Jones just looks tired out there.
Billy Packer: Can you blame her? Coach Chatman won't let her take that butt plug out until after the game!!!
Bill Raftery: ONIONS!!!
I would totally watch that.
2. Tom Brady: King of the Bastards
--Tom Brady is back at it again. And by "back at it", I mean he's knocking up another chick. This time, Gisele. Rumor has it that Brady now has two out-of-wedlock kids on the way. Way to go, Tommy!!! Look, we get it. You can nail whatever you want, whenever you want. But I would think that after the first time with R-list actress, Bridget Moynahan, you would start bagging it up again. Not Tom. He's invincible. Especially with Gisele. She's been with DiCaprio and probably a host of others. Take care of yourself, Tommy, now you're going to have to pay child support all over the globe.
I was going to type more, but the boss just said I could go home early, so fuck this, I am out!!!