Monday, February 26, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
This Airing of Grievances is defintitely "Boner-approved".
1. Britney Spears - Ugh. I don't want to beat a dead horse here, especially since she is acting like someone has already beaten her with the aforementioned dead horse, but enough is enough. I already posted a few months ago about her being crazy, but who knew that Kevin Federline was the reason that she had not go completely insane??? Now there's all this stuff coming out about her firing nannies that her kids like more than her, two one day stays in rehab, and the whole "shaved head" saga. I guess the only good thing about all this shit is that we the public are about a month away from the release of some hardcore porn with her and Carrot Top banging away inside a port-o-john at a construction site.
2. Anna Nicole Smith's Sperm Donor - NO ONE GIVES A FUCK.
3. The whole A-Rod/Jeter thing - So what? They aren't friends like they used to be. They still play at a top level. It does not effect either's play. Growing up, I was friends with a kid named Tony Bataska (remember him?) but he moved to Chicago or someplace in elementary school and I haven't seen or spoken to him since. It isn't that big of a deal, people grow up and people move on. I'm over it. Jeter and A-Rod are over their falling out. Who cares. The Yankees are still going to win the World Series this year (and the next 20 years).
4. Studio 60 - I am so happy that this show got cancelled. I invested a lot of time into this show that quickly turned from chicken salad into chicken shit. Sarah Paulson is the worst actress ever. She absolutely killed that show. And if Aaron Sorkin didn't try to stuff her down our throats week after week and focused more on Timothy Busfield, the show would be flourishing. The episode where Busfield had a snake, ferret, and coyote get stuck in the studio vent was some funny shit. Good riddance to bad TV. Week after week, it killed my post-24 buzz.
5. Chloe O'Brian - Mary Lynn Rajskub is a close #2 as far as worst actresses ever. Oh man, what a turd. She makes me roll my eyes during 24 at least twice an episode. Take last week for example. She tells her husband that his brother is in the hospital EVENTHOUGH she is told not to by her superiors because it will effect his work and CTU needed him to track the nukes. She doesn't care though, she has her own agenda. What makes this more odd is that she kept it to herself a few seasons ago when Jack's daughter and wife were kidnapped because she wanted Jack to think clearly and focus on the task at hand. And this week, Morris has obviously been drinking yet when her boss asks her about smelling it on his breath, she says "he didn't ingest it". I'm sure that works all the time. Officer, I know I'm covered in Jagermiester, Schlitz, and vomit, but I didn't ingest it. It should work every time. Chloe is the worst employee ever. She has been working at CTU since the show and still has not been promoted. She might be worse than me as an employee depending on whether or not she steals a bunch of stuff on her last day like this blog has a tendency of doing.
My rule, if it's your last day before getting transferred/taking another position/changing jobs; if it's not bolted down, it's free game. I didn't need that CD/alarm clock, box of C batteries, or mini-fan, but I'll damn sure take it.
Alright, I'm out. Heading back to Naptown this weekend for Mom's 50th birthday. Happy birthday Mom eventhough I hope to God you don't read this blog.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
I stole this from Blogs4Bauer.com, it's hilarious. This is also my 100th blog...hell yeah.
as performed by Philip Bauer with apologies to Harry Chapin
My child arrived just the other day,
Jack came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to bomb, and nukes astray.
He shot smack while I was away.
And he repressed his emotions, and as he grew,
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
Damn it! I'm gonna be like you."
And the warp-drive engine and the talking pig (Edgar),
Stretch Cunningham (Chase?) and a Russian MiG
"When you coming home, dad?"
"I don't know when, But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."
Jack joined the Army, just to get away
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Jack, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a snarl,"
I don't have time for this, can I borrow the man-purse.
See you later. Can I have that ... Now!"
And the Sentox gas and the talking pig,
That bitch Nina Meyers, and an oil rig.
"When you coming home, son?"
"Damn it, my name's Frank Flynn
And we won't get together again."
I've long since retired and my son's moved away.
He returned from China just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind.
He said, "I'd love to, dad, but I don't have time for this.
Terrorists nukes are a hassle,
and the Russians are bad,
And it all leads back to you, dad.
The Russian nukes lead back to you."
And as I blew up the house, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.
And the warp-drive engine and the talking pig,
The penis-nosed chick(Audrey) and the Chinese Brig.
"When you coming home, son?"
"I don't know when,But, when I'm finished with you,
You're gonna wish that you felt this good again.
You're gonna wish that you felt this good again."
Penis nosed chick...PRICELESS!!!
Monday, February 19, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
I've come to the realization that I have been neglecting hot broads on this blog for awhile. To quote the late, great Owen Hart: "Enough is enough, and it's time for a change!"
Meet ESPN sideline/courtside reporter Erin Andrews. Good Lord. If you watch ANY college football or basketball game, she is on the telecast. She's everywhere and she's absolutely gorgeous. The former University of Florida Dance Team member has always puzzled me as they never show any body shots of her on camera. So Ol' GMoney did some investigative work and found these two doozies of her online (sweet ass by the way) and love her even more now. During my search for ass shots of Erin, I also stumbled on to this guys blog where he ranks the "nail-ability" of female sportscasters. It's absolutely hilarious and I will link them with my rankings after I quit talking about Erin.
The only bad things I can think of for Erin is that since she went to Florida from 1997-2000, that means she probably did Danny Wuerrful. I mean he did win the Heisman but that still doesn't make it right. Also, her and Herbstreit travel to the ESPN Thursday night games together so I'm pretty sure Kirk has hammered that deliciousness before, too. Nevertheless, I still rank her #1 on my list of "Female Sportscasters That Should Hook It Up With Money."
Like I said, I'm going to link this guy's blog and I seriously suggest reading it just for the simple reason that he tries to rationalize the do-ability of LINDA COHN. It's great.
My list (disclaimer: this ranking does not necessarily mean my top 10 sportscasters, just the top 10 that this guy has already analyzed): 1. Erin Andrews - 'nuff said
2. Melissa Stark - man, does MNF miss her or what?
3. Pam Oliver - she deserves better than having to work with Joe Buck. By the way, check out the YouTube video in this link and look at the black guy's face at the end...it's priceless
4. Sam Ryan - enough with CBS, the sports world needs you back
5. Rachel Nichols - starting to get all the big stories on Sportscenter, really hot although she never blinks
6. Suzy Kolber - if she's good enough for Joe Namath, she's good enough for this blog plus Drew (of the never updated Drew's Blog) has heard that she's down with women...GREAT news!!!
7. Bonnie Bernstein - older, but still good looking
8. Michelle Bonner - Sportscenter anchor, the link suggests she should be called "Michelle Boner"...priceless
9. Michelle Tafoya - Monday Night Football MILF
10. Kit Hoover - by default she has to be #10, seriously, look at the others I left off
Those who would make my list but do not have profiles done by this genius: Stacy Dales (top 5), Jillian Barberie (Top 10), Colleen Dominguez, Leann Tweeden, Dana Jacobsen, Hannah Storm, Lisa Guerrero, Jill Arrington, and Summer Sanders (Top 10).
Others: Pam Ward, Shelly Smith, Holly Rowe, Chris McKendry, Robin "Brown Bag" Roberts, and Jackie MacMullen.
How awful would it be to read about the do-able qualities of "The Manbeast" Pam Ward, Arthur Ashe look-alike Robin Roberts, or Massive Dyke Jackie MacMullen.
Either way, this has been a great blog entry.
Monday, February 12, 2007
--My Redhawks are back above .500 again where they belong and are playing great. They are the only team in the country that has yet to give up 70 points in a game all season which is very impressive. If F Tim Pollitz (left) isn't the MAC player of the year this season (18.9 ppg despite being a 6'5" power forward WITH RED HAIR) than this league is fixed. Watching them pound Ball St. Saturday was like having a time machine and seeing Kentucky vs. Texas Western (Miami only has one black guy that plays consistently and Ball St. doesn't have one white guy on their whole team).
--Our NCAA Tournament tickets already came in the mail which has to be the fastest that Ticketmaster has ever worked.
--Norbit was the #1 movie this weekend...WHY??? Who would want to see this turd? What demographic is this movie designed for? Eddie Murphy sucks. He caters to idiots. I guess this just goes to show that there are way too many douche bags in America.
--I've overheard two horrible statements at work over the past week.
*****"I didn't get a chance to watch the Super Bowl, my wife didn't want to watch it." Umm buddy, call your lawyer and get the divorce process started.
*****"I just bought a self help book on finding Mr. Right." This was said by another guy...I don't need to know about your homoerotic struggles, even if you aren't talking to me.
--A lot of bad news coming from Napoleon this weekend. I know that God is an avid reader of this blog so I'm asking please to let everyone get through their hardships. Chad Williams, Warnimont's dad, and Rathge's dad have the support of this blog to win their fights and make it through these tough times. Good people don't deserve bad things happen to them and for Chad, especially since I'm aware of his battle the most, he is definitely too young and too good of a person to be dealing with this.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
For most sports fans, you sit around waiting for the end of both college and pro football, and when it finally is officially over you start to realize that--Oh Shit--college basketball is almost at conference tournament time and I don't know a damn thing about who's for real and who isn't. Not this guy. I have truly enjoyed this college basketball season and began to really embrace it about a month ago by watching teams and games from all over the country to gain knowledge come bracket time.
This is a really good year. The Top 5 teams in the country (Florida, UCLA, UNC, Wisconsin, and (ugh) Ohio St) are great and there are at least 5 other teams that can win it all as well and no one would be surprised (Texas A&M, Kansas, Oregon, Marquette, and Pitt). You even have great storylines: Texas Freshman Kevin Durant is the best freshman in college hoops in the last 20 years and Butler, that's right Butler, is ranked in the Top 10 and won the Preseason NIT.
As far as my Redhawks go, it's just like any other year. We can beat anyone on our schedule and lose to anyone on the schedule...which would explain the 10-11 record. Come MAC Tournament time though, Charlie should have the boys ready to go. As long as we can get to 60 points, no one outside of the top ten in the country can beat the Fightin' Charlies.
That being said, last week I was surfing around trying to find out the dates of the first round of the NCAA Tournament so I can take those days off and saw that Columbus was a host site this year. While it is sold out, I also saw that Lexington was hosting the first and second round as well and still had seats left. It did not take more than one minute of convincing to get Buke, Josh, and Damman to all say that they were in. So tomorrow is ticket ordering day which means that my checking account will be taking a $650+ hit (oh yeah). This is being dubbed our "Income Tax Refund Trip". It should be a blast. I've been to a few of these things where you get to see 6 top notch basketball games in two days for merely $150 and it should be fun staying down in Hilljackville for a few days. Oh, and the Buckeyes are 99% going there since they can't play in Columbus so that means two games of Greg Oden.
But that all could change if they sell out tonight before I can order...that would suck donkey balls.