Tuesday, January 30, 2007
This is easily my favorite reality show since it has to do with one of my true passions: high school football. The "passion" thing is sarcasm but seriously, the show is great.
If you haven't seen the show, I recommend it. It's about Hoover High School in Alabama and their national powerhouse program coached by the great RUSH PROPST, a real American hero and beloved son of the South. Hoover is coming off a state championship this season and lost such great characters such as Alex (bangin' freshmen) Binder, Max (invited the defensive coordinator over for Thanksgivin') Lerner, and Repete "What am I gonna do, he's my dad" Smith who's father had a knack for showing up to games drunk. That fag, Goose, is gone probably pursuing his dream at U of Alabama to be an orthopedic surgeon...what a douche bag. He better not be nailing Kristen. Anywho, the only returning main characters to the show this time are The Icon, RUSH PROPST, and QB Ross Wilson. I have a feeling this season will be Ross's season to get most of the camera time.
And while I do know how their season ends already, I am still looking forward to watching the drama unfold. For the first time ever I can officially say...GO BUCS!!!
Weekend update with Kevin Nealon: Really looking forward to this weekend as Friday features the 26th celebration of my lowlife roommate's birth. If you are in the Columbus area, come to The Stube Friday night, I'm sure Buke will be falling down a lot. Saturday is a reunification of some Miami alums for some quality Redhawk basketball and postgame Chardonnays. White Guys 64, Western Michigan 49.
One more side note: At the end of We Are Marshall when the narrator says that "Miami University defeated The Herd the next week 66-6", I gave a huge fist pump and whispered "yes". This game took place 8 years before I was born. Saturday night, Sports Time Ohio had an old Miami/Cincinnati basketball game from 1985 on and I flipped it on with 5 minutes left in the second half. The Ron Harper-led Redskins defeated UC by 1 with a buzzer beater and when the clock read 0:00, I was standing up fist pumping wildly like when Michael Jordan hit "the shot" over Craig Ehlo. So my question is, am I pathetic or just a great fan? I mean both of these games happened over 20 years ago yet I celebrate them like I'm watching them live.
Oh well, Super Bowl prediction Thursday, and I have my own system for predicting the score based on three factors: Karma, Character, and Past. Don't miss it.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Here's another round of my popular Airing of Grievances Segment.
1. Drew's Blog: It's been 7 damn weeks since your last blog, asshole, get on the ball. I'm sure you can comment on something. You watch enough terrible tv that I bet you can scrounge up some remarks on something.
2. Super Bowl Overhype: I realize that when there is two weeks until the big game that the media is going to beat a dead horse on some issues. The big things that I'm tired of hearing about are Peyton Manning's thumb, good Rex vs. Bad Rex, and especially the first black coaches in the Super Bowl. Not to sound insensitive and I know this is important in the landscape of football, but get over it. Yes, two black coaches is a big story, but for all the good that Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith have done for black coaches everywhere, there was also a ton of damage done to the cause by Romeo Crennel, Art Shell, Herm Edwards who are widely recognized as awful at best game day coaches.
3. The new Donatos commercial: It starts out by saying that it takes a math genius to figure out pizza coupons. Oh really? What an insult to the Average Joe. Donatos is basically inferring that Joe Lunchpail can not comprehend what "one large, one topping pizza $9.99" or "any medium pizza for $5" means. Well, FUCK YOU DONATOS. I can read dammit. And the commercial ends with Johnny Voiceover guy saying "you shouldn't have to know pi to order one". Go to hell, Donatos, this is the worst marketing idea ever.
4. New Safe Auto Commercials: This is the first of two insurance company complaints. Have you seen these things? They have some idiot sitting behind a desk talking about how he gets letters everyday about how people want to hear the Safe Auto jingle more. No, they don't. It's not funny, it's fucking stupid. Oh and it's really cute that the two douche bags in the commercials have character names of "Bill Lumbergh" and "Michael Scott". That makes these commercials even funnier. If I was in Hollywood, I would sue the shit out of this turd insurance company for copyright infringements. I wouldn't want the brilliant character names associated with the insurance company for people that aren't eligible for more established insurance. Fuck Safe Auto. Your commercials suck.
5. The General Commercials: You've all seen these, there are two of them. They set up situations, one with the girl watching tv and the other with the guy working on his car, when all of a sudden they think, "I need to call The General". I mean seriously, you're just sitting around thinking if it's too early to start drinking or too light outside to masturbate and all of a sudden--WHAM--"I HAVE NO CAR INSURANCE!!! I better call the cartoon general on tv, he looks really professional." This especially is true for the guy WORKING ON HIS CAR. Does this moron just realize that he has had his car for 10 years and has never had insurance on it??? Are we made to believe that this guy is that dumb? And at the end of both commercials when both idiots are on the phone with The General, their significant other walks in the room and asks them who they are talking to. My response would be for that situation,"Mind your own fucking business. Does it really matter who the hell I'm talking to? For God's sake I haven't had car insurance for 10 fucking years. Get the fuck out of here."
As much as I love tv, sometimes I just hate it. I would also like to congratulate Bill "Nuggrag" "Davney" Downey on his upcoming nuptials. I am still going to punch him in the face though.
Next week, my in depth Super Bowl preview and prediction.
This message was approved by Curtis "Booger" Armstrong.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Monday, January 15, 2007
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Drew (of Drew's Blog) believes that Duke center Josh McRoberts is the biggest dildo in college hoops. I disagree. Meet Eric Devendorf, guard at Syracuse(left). You're probably thinking, OK, he's white trash, but he doesn't look like as big of a dildo as McRoberts. I couldn't find a pic of him during games but add a body full of tattoos and a headband. A WHITE GUY WITH A HEADBAND. Case dismissed. I hate you, Eric.
PREDICTION: BCS Championship Game or Fiesta Bowl 2, whatever it's called. Florida 31, Fightin' Sweater Vests 24.
One more thing, Tony Romo makes me smile.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
First things first, ever since President Ford was killed by Lloyd Carr's terrible coaching, I can not stop thinking about the hilarious SNL sketch where Tom Brokaw (Dana Carvey) is taping all these different Gerald Ford dies scenarios so whenever it did happen, he would be able to broadcast it. Here's a taste:
"Stunning news from Yorba Linda today, as Richard Nixon's corpse climbed out of his grave and strangled Gerald Ford to death."
Anyway, after last night's amazing Fiesta Bowl, which ranks as the best college football game I've ever seen as the game had EVERYTHING you could ask for, I couldn't help but wonder about how Fox would be handling the rest of the BCS games. Obviously, the team in the booth last night was terrible, even though they were good in the first half. That dumbass Charles Davis, said "they might fake it" before EVERY punt. Well you guys are lucky because I was able to sit in on the FOX BCS production meetings and I am going to let you guys know some of the ideas that were tossed around in that meeting...here we go:
--House (with his gimp) will be the head referee for the BCS championship.
--The halftime show of the Orange Bowl will be Peter Gallagher getting his eyebrows waxed.
--Troy Smith will be replaced by a robot.
--The guys from Prison Break will kidnap Urban Meyer before the game and Fox will offer up either Bones, Michael Rappaport, or Hell's Kitchen's Gordon Ramsay as a replacement.
--Bring in a live, timed nuclear bomb for the Sugar Bowl halftime show and have Keifer Sutherland diffuse it while snipers are firing at him.
--Put an ad for Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy on Charlie Weis's FUPA.
--Have Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long do commentary during the BCS title game...this somehow got approved.
--Have a naked Brad Garrett call plays for Notre Dame.
--Have a voiceover of Randy Jackson yelling "YEAH, DAWG" over the PA after every good play in every game.
--Having absolutely no one available to do the booth for the Orange Bowl, decide to have the voices of Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, and Stan Smith do the game. I think this would be great personally.
--During the BCS game, have John Walsh do a sideline America's Most Wanted about Maurice Clarett.
--The first team to have a running back get hurt, bring in Polk High's own, AL BUNDY, to replace him.
--Try to find a way to get more robots on the tv screen.
FOX IT UP, BITCH!!!