Thursday, December 13, 2007

The M-Bomb Drops At 2

I'm pretty damn excited today. No, not for the "big" Broncos/Texans game tonight or Xavier's win over UC in the Crosstown Shootout last night, but for the rather large news conference taking place this afternoon. That's right, in case you live under a rock, Senator George Mitchell's 2+ years of semi-pointless investigative work into steroids in baseball gets dropped on the public today. How great is this going to be???

Rumor has it that there will be between 50-80 players named in this report. Fantastic. It is being said that there are former all-stars (Bret Boone) and likely hall of famers on this list as well. Too sweet. Now I don't necessarily give a shit about cleaning up the sport, the fact that lives and images will be ruined in about 4 hours piques my curiosity. One of my cardinal rules in life is to never feel bad for a millionaire and today is no different. If they took a shortcut and someone saw them, it's their own damn fault.

Let's get one thing straight. I've said it countless times and I'll say it again, I don't care if players take shit to make them better. I don't care at all. It's their body, it's their career, and it's their legacy. I want to be entertained. That's all. Give me a 500 foot home run any day over a single, a stolen base, a bunt, and then a sacrifice fly. If that 500 foot home run leads to back acne and shrunken testicles (Bret Boone), I don't give a fuck. Just keep me watching, that's all I ask. When these names are revealed today, these ballplayers should not be villified. They should be applauded. They risked their own health (Bret Boone) to entertain us, the fans. I know some of the names on that report are going to impress me. Come 2:30 today, I will be thinking to myself, "Wow, David Segui cared so much about my entertainment that he's going to die 20 years before he should. Thanks, David!"

But here's the problem. This report was conceived all out of hearsay. George Mitchell has no facts. It's just a laundry list of players that somebody may have saw do stuff over a decade or so ago. That isn't really concrete, is it? It would never hold up in court. But that's the beauty of this. This old man is going to slander a ton of people today and doesn't care! Many of these guys could be fingered as cheaters yet did nothing wrong. But today, their legacies and careers are ruined. And it's all because Joe Clubhouse once heard from a friend of a friend that Roger Clemens used to rub Barbaro's blood on his throwing arm before starts. I don't want any more hearsay about steroids. I want the truth (insert retarded A Few Good Men joke)! I don't care IF you took something, I just want to know that you did (Bret Boone).

The one thing that I am impressed with though is that Bud Selig has had this report for 2 days now and NOTHING has been leaked to the media yet. That is amazing. Especially in this day and age.

One thing is for certain though, today will change baseball forever. Lives will be ruined. Your heroes won't look as heroic anymore. And if I could speculate as to one name that might be on the list and I had to bet my life that he was on it...I'd go with Brady Anderson (and Bret Boone).

Enjoy the bloodbath.


saul hudson said...

G$, early word says several prominent Yanks including Roger Clemens will be named. Did your penis just shrink a little. Oh, and if it is trainers saying,"I did this, this is what I saw," that is not hearsay, and that is coming into a court of law.

GMoney said...

Roger Clemens isn't a Yankee. Either way, any good defense attorney gets that thrown out.

I can say I saw Tony Romo sucking Wade Phillips's dick. While it is almost 100% true, there is no way that I can prove it.

j Beanie said...

Well said. I couldn't say it any better. Wait, yes I could. And I did in my blog today. But I do agree with you.

Is that Carson Palmer in the steroid diagram?

Anonymous said...

All I want is for Cal Ripken to be on the list or Joe Girardi...either of those would make my day.

- Drew

GMoney said...

Joe Girardi? Why? The man is a neanderthal!

Anonymous said...

So Roger Clemens isn't a Yankee? Oh, you mean he is not a "real" Yankee, right? It will so sweet when he gets named in the report. I just hope he will take a curtain call, like we all know he loves to do. Or maybe he will make an announcement on the PA at Yankee stadium saying that he is cheating asshole. Abba rules!


GMoney said...

I meant to say that he isn't a Yankee anymore. Looks like Damon and Pettitte were named.

Jason Varitek being on the list makes me smile.

Kyle said...

Money, the "Tony Romo sucking Wade Phillips' dick" line was reminiscent of Nick Nolte in Blue Chips: "If I assert you sleep with sheep, then it's alleged you sleep with sheep." Anything that reminds me of Blue Chips can't be bad.