Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.
This week, the "Tribute To Art Shell Ref" Edition. Wait for it, trust me, you won't be disappointed.
***Another Referee Scandal...Sign Me Up - Wow. That's all I can say. I just read Yahoo's report on Big Ten referee, and first prize winner of the Art Shell Lookalike Contest 1985-2007, Stephen Pamon. Insane. First of all, I loved seeing this guy on TV...made me laugh every time. But Art Shell Ref is in a lot of trouble. Read that article, this guy is a scumbag. The "best parts": making his three step sons strip down to their underwear and beating them with an extension cord and the sexual assualt of his 19 year old niece. You stay classy, Art Shell Ref, you will be missed on Saturday afternoons.
***Thank You For Doing The Right Thing, Pro Bowl Voters - The Pro Bowl rosters were announced yesterday and I think it shows nothing but class that Sean Taylor was named a starter posthumously. Very good job to respect a fallen colleague. I really have no problems with the rosters except for Mario Williams and Fred Taylor being snubbed. Willie Parker and his 2 touchdowns did not deserve to go. Ask any Parker fantasy owner if he should be in the Pro Bowl. Yes, Browns fans, if not one Jag made it, then you should be happy with 2. Big Ben has better numbers than DA and Tony Gonzalez has slightly better numbers than Winslow but did it on a team coached by Herm!. If you play for Herm!, you should always get the benefit of the doubt. It is also doubtful that Art Shell Ref will be in Hawaii due to the lack of $100 blackjack tables.
***You Don't Need The Juice If You Are A Workout Fiend - Roger Clemens finally released his statement of innocence yesterday...I believe him. Why not? The guy is reknowned for being a gym rat. We are never going to know the full truth on this anyway so I'm going to believe the guy. Is that naive? Maybe. But I don't care, if there's one thing I've learned from watching a lot of TV and movies, it is that you never trust a snitch. If it eventually comes out WITH PROOF that The Rocket did some sketchy shit, then he deserves to be stripped down to his tighty whities and between with an extension cord by the ruthless hand of Art Shell Ref.
***Bobby Bowden Runs A Clean Program - Bobby, if you're reading this, please retire. Your program is in shambles, you likely don't know who half your players are, and you still are in awe that the players don't wear leather helmets anymore. 25+ players suspended for cheating on an internet test...Jesus titty-fucking Christ. How bad are they going to get killed by Andre Woodson??? 52-0? In my confidence picks bowl pool, I initially picked FSU at 4 for the mild upset. But thank God the pool is online now. As soon as that shit went up yesterday, I immediately switched from FSU 4 to UK 31. So, in a way, thanks Bobby...as a reward I'm sure Art Shell Ref would rape your niece.
***Another Fried Chicken Recipe For Disaster - Atlanta Falcons owner and black stereotype aficionado, Arthur Blank, is in talks with Bill Parcells to come and run the team as GM or some type of talent evaluation role. I don't even know why Parcells would even think about doing this. The Falcons are going to suck for at least another 5 years. It doesn't matter who is making the talent decisions, the cupboard there is bare and the talented players are fucking douchebags. This team needs to be flushed down the toilet and reset. Seriously though, has anyone had a worse year than Arthur Blank??? You know who could help the Falcons? Art Shell Ref, because according to Joe Tiller, he's a crook.
***That Polyp Was NOT a PTP'er - I like Dick Vitale. I do. Yes, he's very much biased toward the ACC and he has a hard time staying on topic but I respect the man's passion for what he does. And he's a Tampa Bay Rays (not Devil Rays anymore but possibly named after Ray Pruitt?) season ticket holder and you've got to respect that. Dickie V had a polyp removed from his vocal cord yesterday and is apparently doing well. Get well soon, Dickie V, I'm going to need you come March to defend the Miami at-large resume. Considering he name drops Charlie Coles every other broadcast, I think that's a safe bet. Unlike Art Shell Ref, Dickie V was never fired from the police force for sexual harrassment.
***How Foolish Of Us To Think Britney Was The Biggest Loser In The Family - We're coming full circle here, I promise. It's being reported that Jamie Lynn Spears (Britney's sister and supposedly the "good" kid) is knocked up at the ripe and tender age of 16. And yes, little Spears says she is going to have the kid. You've really got to hand it to the South, condoms are pretty easy to purchase and protect you from shit like this, but they say fuck it. We don't need your stinkin' help. The rumored father of the baby...you guessed it...Art Shell Ref. She definitely fits his age demographic.
Well, that was fun, wasn't it? I had a good time. Enjoy the rest of your Wednesday!