Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Worst of Week 12

Before we get into the worst from this past weekend, I have to give some love to one of my enemies. I think a lot of people don't give the Philadelphia Eagles enough credit for their successes and professionalism over the past decade. Last night was no exception. Besides T.O.'s Super Bowl performance, I have never been more impressed by the guts from a losing team. That was excellent. You've got give it up to Andy Reid and his players. They played an almost perfect game given the situation, and were damn close to pulling it off. And if this doesn't show how worthless Donovan McNabb is, I don't know what does.

One more thing, GREAT job by my Redhawks hoopsters this past weekend in the Anaheim Classic. Beat South Alabama, lost a heartbreaker to OJ Mayo in the semis, and rebounded last night to beat Mississippi State for the third place win. This team is going to the Dance come March. Mark it down.

But let's get to the shitty. The 10 worst performances of week 12...

10. Champagne Joey Harrington - I'm so happy that this game was not televised on Thursday night as the sight of his horrible QB play would have made me vomit turkey all over myself. This is it. This is the last year that Champagne Joey will ever get a chance to start in the league. When you think of the Falcons, can you picture anyone any good on that team? I can't, they all suck.

9. Texans Defense - There is nothing wrong with giving up 27 points to the Browns in Cleveland. They can score. But there is one thing that can not be tolerated...Jamal Lewis for 130+ yards. And he didn't even need 97 carries to get there!!! Jamal Lewis sucks. Enough said. And he's suckering the Browns into possibly offering him an extension. Don't fall for it, Phil Savage. As soon as the ink would dry on that extension, he will immediately hook the U-Haul back up to his shoulder pads. Yes, you guessed it. The U-Haul is filled with cocaine.

8. Vince Young - Vince, Vince, Vince...6 measly points against that vaunted Bengals defense??? No touchdowns? That is just terrible. And on a personal note, fuck you, Chad Johnson. You take 10 weeks off and then come storming back to drop 3 TD's on my fantasy team yesterday...fuck that. Where was I? Oh yeah, Vince Young is not very good at throwing passes in the NFL.

7. My Redskins Offense - Normally after a Skins loss, my bias pushes them near the top but not this week. There was way too much shit to sift through and the Skins came out at #7. 6 turnovers. Southeast Jerome with 2 fumbles. Shitana Moss with another fumbling abortion. Jason Campbell throwing two crucial picks in the 4th to reverse-ice the game. Jesus Christ. It's another week yet the same result...the Skins give away another game. For some reason, I still think they are going to be the 6th seed in the playoffs. Nobody beats themselves more than Joe Gibbs' team. NO ONE. I believe their +/- is somewhere near -41. I would say that the Skins will beat the Bills next Sunday but I'm sure they will invent another new, crazy-ass way to lose in the 4th.

6. Gus Frerotte - Welcome back to the list, Gus!!! You left for awhile, but believe me, you were not forgotten. Your 4th down play yesterday will be on the short list at next year's ESPY's for worst play of the year. That was hilarious. I feel bad for the Rams. If they have ANYONE competent at QB at the end of the game, they win. By the way, the Seahawks still suck.

5. Herm Edwards (The Herm Edwards Memorial Spot) - 3 weeks in a row for Herman!!! While watching the Mizzou/KU game over snifters of brandy with world famous blog commenter, Damman, he asked me why I thought Herm was so bad. My response was something along the lines of "Are you serious? You are seriously asking that fucking question? Anything bad can happen with Herm in charge." And losing at home to the Raiders is about as bad as it gets. A classic Herm loss.

4. Kyle Boller - At first, I was pissed that this game was featured at 4 here in Columbus. But then I thought, wait a minute, Billick vs. Norv, Boller vs. Rivers, and a Roid Rage vs. a Murderer...PURE GOLD!!! Nice beard, by the way, Kyle. I've seen 13 year old trailer park kids grow thicker shit than that. This game was hilarious. Tons of terrible passes. Each coach trying to be less stupid than the other. It was great. I'm throwing it out there now, I'd rather watch two crappy teams just for the comedic value alone.

3. Kurt Warner - Hold the phone, Warner threw for almost 500 yards yesterday! Yes he did. And that's all well and good but he was also the QB that lost to the 49ers at home. The Cardinals were SWEPT by the 49ers this year. Let that sink in for a minute. Back to Kurt, him taking a safety in overtime was a thing of beauty. Incompetent play at it's third finest.

2. Mike Shanahan - I've never understood why Ol' Orange Face/White Teeth never seems to be in jeopardy of losing his job. He hasn't won shit in almost a decade!!! A classic chicken choke yesterday only adds fuel to my argument. There's nothing wrong in losing in Chicago to the Bears. I fully expect Joe Gibbs to do so in a few weeks. But blowing a 14 point lead with less than 7 minutes to go to the Sex Cannon Grossman makes me scratch my head. AND WHY OH FUCKING WHY DO TEAMS KICK TO DEVIN HESTER?!?!?!?! What more does this stud have to do? Worst coaching job of the day by far, OF/WT.

1. Eli Manning - The Manning Brothers are starting to build a monopoly around this title. I think next week, Cooper Manning will be #1 and in two weeks, Archie Manning's combover will take top billing. Oh, Elisha. The Vikings pass defense is very soft, buddy. Especially when they are on the road. But you prefer to defy all logic. 4 interceptions with 3 of them taken to the house...magnificent. By the way, if the picture accompanying today's post isn't the best AP stock photo ever, I don't know what it is. Truly hilarious. It looks the Giants may be starting the classic Coughlin second half collapse now. How else do you explain a 25+ point loss at home to Travaris Jackson???

So enjoy your spot at #1 this week, Elisha, you earned it. I'm sure you'll be back soon enough.

It sucks being back at work...


J Beanie said...

Man does it feel good to have you back. Almost like not jerking off for a week b/c you are bored with it then doing it 8 days later and wondering why you stopped in the first place.

Jamal Lewis is still good for a game like yesterdays every now and then. Week 2 and Week 12. So I guess that means Week 22 he'll top 100 again. But he seriously is running well now. I hope he keeps it up but I'm not confident he will although he doesn't play any real tough defenses the rest of the year. But I don't see the Browns bringing him back. Not for the money he will want. Plus, whoever they trade, Anderson or Brady, they'll get a first round pick (hopefully) to fill the running back hole. Either that or Chester Taylor may want out of Minn. They want a quarterback, we want a running back. Almost makes too much sense to work a trade there.

And Warner didn't get sacked. He fumbled and the 49ers scored a touchdown. A fumble is much worse than the sack.

GMoney said...

Oh goodness, you're right about Warner. I even watched that fucking game. I'm an idiot.

Taylor for Anderson would make a lot of sense. DA won't be back next year.