It's Monday again...ugh. That means it's time to roll though another "worst of" column. It was a shitty sports weekend for me and my teams. Between the Redhawks, Redskins, Red Sox, and Buckeyes, everything that I didn't want to happen, did happen. Fuck it, let's get going. The 10 worst performances of Sunday with honorbale mentions to the always reliable Dolphins and Rams and the idiots that actually thought the Texans would cover the spread in the fire-ravaged Whale's Vagina...
10. Vince Young - It takes a lot to make this list if your team won. 6-14 for 42 yards will get you on no matter what though. How is this even possible? As bad as the quarterback play has been in the NFL this year, and it's been rotten, this may be the worst game of the year. Cleo Lemon thinks this performance sucked.
9. Frank Gore - I don't necessarily think it's entirely Franklin's fault. The 49ers are bad. Alex Smith is bad. Defenses can load the line to stop him. But that being said, if you can't do anything against the Saints, it might be time to fake an injury and sit out the rest of the year. Worst first round pick ever.
8. Chad Pennington - 3 points to the Bills. 3 points to the Bills. 3 points to the Bills. It's over, Chad. We hardly knew ye.
7. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Really? A loss to the Jaguars is not a bad thing on paper. But when you break it down and realize that the game was at home, the Jags had a short week of practice, and Quinn Gray was their QB, it's downright terrible. It's strange that the Saints are right back in it for the NFC South, the league's worst division.
6. Randall Godfrey - Ah yes, my first Redskin on the list this week. I have no idea how he performed...I really don't care. But after the game, Godfrey talked about how it was bollocks for the Pats to run up the score. Look, I don't have a problem with what the Pats did. I thought it was a little odd that Brady was still in up 45-0, but it didn't bother me. The Skins had 3 hours to do something about it and they did nothing. Randall, if it really was eating at you, fucking take a cheap shot at Brady. Take the 15 yard penalty and ejection like a man. Don't do it behind a microphone after the game. Go head-hunting on one of their stars and send a message that that behavior will not be tolerated. Maybe then they would learn not to show up a team that had no idea what they were supposed to do. Joe Gibbs obviously did not read my Friday column.
5. Marvin Lewis (The Herm Edwards Memorial Spot) - Another week, another uninspiring Bengals defeat. I'm wondering why no one has voted Marvin yet as the worst coach in football (look to the right). HE IS TERRIBLE! He let's Chad Johnson tell other teams that they should trade for him to get him out of Cincy (per Jay Glazer). Fire him and try to save your season.
4. Taco Bell's Chili Cheese Nachos - So Saturday, I'm getting my drunk on on campus and failed to eat anything for dinner which leads to an incredibly intense buzz. After the bar, the obligatory Taco Bell run is in order and I decided to try the new chili cheese nachos that seem to be all the rage amongst the kiddies these days. I'm enjoying a solid pass out when at about 6 am I am awaken with a strange feeling. Not the need to puke or explosive diarrhea, no no. Those fucking nachos were destroying me internally. I felt like the guy at the end of Spaceballs who had the alien burst through his stomach singing a showtune. It fucking hurt. Never again. I give Taco Bell's chili cheese nachos my worst review yet: 7 thumbs up.
3. Whoever was supposed to block/guard Mike Vrabel - Troy Aikman was right. No, not that penises taste great, I wouldn't know. But that if cheapshot artist, Mike Vrabel, is in on a goal line situation...THEY ARE THROWING HIM THE BALL. And the fact that the triumverate of blocking fecal matter (Todd Wade, Mike Sellers, and Clinton Portis) could not block him at all, that's just pathetic. He's not that good yet the triumverate made him look like Tecmo Bowl Lawrence Taylor yesterday. I felt bad for Jason Campbell, he never had a chance.
2. Brian Griese - Come on Bears fans, admit it. You want Kyle Orton. You're playing at home against the worst road team in the history of the league. Your response? 1 touchdown, 4 interceptions 3 of which were in the end zone. Look, I love Lions Defense just as much as the next guy, but they are a shitty unit. That was awful. Oh, and Jon Kitna, thanks for not throwing a touchdown pass in the last month. You've been a big help to fantasy owners. Jesus may love you, but I'm beginning to fucking loathe you.
1. Boston Sports Fan - Your teams can win all the championships they want, you are still a bunch of losers. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is nothing worse than a Masshole.
You are probably wondering why in the hell Alex Rodriguez isn't on this list? Tomorrow my friends, tomorrow. I want to injest some more details on this development. I also start contributing to the new, sexy MAC blog, Mid America Nattering, tomorrow as I will be writing a column over there every Tuesday. I couldn't be more excited/turned on.