Monday, October 08, 2007

The Worst of Week 5

A few things on the ALDS before we dive into the week that was in the NFL.

***Phil Hughes was spectacular last night. The future is bright indeed.

***That being said, Roger, it's time to walk away. I applaud the effort. We know you want the ball. Go back to Houston. You've done all that you can. We wouldn't be here without you.

***All it takes to get out of a slump is the awful pitching of Jake Westbrook. At least the Indians have him for 3 more years at 11 mill per.

***Wang vs. Byrd tonight...looks like we're heading back to Cleveland. I'm calling my shot right now. There is no way in hell that Paul fucking Byrd is knocking us out.

***Mr. Steinbrenner, throwing out ultimatums does not help things. It's not Joe Torre's fault that the offense went to shit.



Onto Week 5's worst performances!!! Let's get going as I've got a bone the size of Texas after this weekend's huge wins by my Redhawks and Redskins (suck it, Lions).

10. John Lynch - Aren't safeties supposed to stop the run? Aren't you a hard hitter? I've always thought that Lynch was incredibly overrated anyway. It's part of your job to stuff the run. Bob Sanders and Meng Polamalu don't have any trouble doing it. Although I should thank you since I was in a bye week bind and had to start Michael "The Burner" Turner on my fantasy team, John Snoad Anal Beads...thank you very much.

9. Byron Leftwich - Whoa. That was bad. If you were unfortuante enough to watch this game or hell, even see the highlights, you know that Leftwich was uncorking nothing but incredibly high hard ones yesterday. Not even close. He was overthrowing WR's by 30 feet. Joey Harrington doesn't look so fucking bad now does he, Atlanta???

8. Matt Leinart - It's very rare that a team that wins, gets a guy on this list. Sorry, Matt. This is OK though. Your broken collarbone saves you the embarrassment of getting replaced by Brenda Warner's husband. Now you can just blame your wing. You better get your shit together this offseason, Heisman.

7. Mike Martz - What the fuck was that, offensive guru? I know Redskins defense. I know you can exploit Redskins defense. You apparently did NO homework on them. I'm still shocked. You put 34 points up in the 4th quarter alone last week against the Bears and then drop a 3 spot yesterday. Something doesn't add up. The Lions are not for real. The Redskins are and WE will win in Green Bay next Sunday.

6. The Fans - Yes, that's right, you the fans were losers yesterday. That is, if you were like me and actually watched the Ravens/49ers game...or as I like to call it, the worst game of the season. Just terrible. If it wasn't for the constant replaying of Trent Dilfer's touchdown pass celebration, I would've hung myself. Doesn't Dilfer look a lot like Ian Ziering??? Hey Billick, the best player on your offense doesn't touch the ball nearly enough (McGahee) and you should be starting Boller since McNair can't throw the ball more than 15 yards.

5. Herm Edwards (The Herm Edwards Memorial Spot) - Thank God the Chiefs two game winning streak is over and Herm can take his memorial spot back. I have no idea if he had anything to do with the Chiefs loss yesterday but I'm sure he didn't help. It is my goal to never see a snap of any Chiefs game this season.

4. Matt Hasselbeck - Can we just say that Baldy is nothing more than a mediocre QB? He doesn't do anything well and is wildly inconsistent. In today's NFL, there is no excuse to be shutout. James Farrior shoved a can of Chunky Soup up his ass yesterday.

3. Trent Green's Head - Bad day for Ol' Rag Arm's dome. Looks like his career is likely over after being ambulanced (I made up a word!) off the field. He tried to chop block the Texans D-Lineman and now it's over. The best part about it was the Texans guy's comments. "At 12:01, I had all the respect for Trent Green. At 12:20, FUCK TRENT GREEN." Hilarious. Athletes are the best.

2. The New Orleans Saints - K'Ville has a better chance of getting picked up for a second season than the Saints do of getting to 6 wins. This is a BAD team. If you can't win at home against a team led by an injured David Carr, you suck dog balls. If the Saints were a baseball team, I would call for a fire sale. If the Saints were one of Mike Vick's dogs, they would be electrocuted by now.

1. Brett Favre and James Jones - Two fumbles on potential scoring drives by WR James Jones. Two classic Brett Favre second half interceptions. Now these are the Green Bay Packers that I remember. Wisconsinites should now officially be done sucking each other dicks. And my Redskins are coming to town next weekend with a better defense than the Bears. That's right I said it. The Skins will make Favre look foolish next week. Jump off the bandwagon, the Packers are losing again next week.

That's it. I'll be back tomorrow for hopefully not a Black Tuesday. Although if the Yankees do lose, tomorrow's Middle Finger should be very profane. I don't see that happening though. Go Yankees.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You called your shot and you popped out to the pitcher. Nice going, the great lame-bino.