Monday, October 01, 2007

The Worst Of Week 4


I'm sick. I feel worse than I look and that is pretty shitty. I HAD to come into work today even though I shouldn't be here. I got way too blitzed in Nashville this weekend. There was a 50/50 chance that I was going to puke all over myself while driving up I-65 yesterday morning (thank God, I kept it at bay). And right now, I'm living in a world in which Wade Phillips and Tom Coughlin are a combined 6-2. This sucks. Worst birthday ever. I will be making this Norv Turner face for the rest of the day. Let's get going though, the worst from week 4...

10. Brian Westbrook - Look Brian, I took a flier on you because your ceiling is extremely high. I know you have a tendency to get injured. I know you will be on the injury report every week. But, if you say you'll be ready to go all throughout the week and then you sit, I can not tolerate that shit. Let me fucking know ahead of time, dammit. Didn't matter anyway, my 3 fantasy teams combined for a sick 5 touchdowns...TOTAL. Ugh.

9. The Texans Trainer - The Yankees fired their trainer earlier this year when all the pitchers were blowing out their hamstrings. This asshole can't get ANY of his WR's on the field. I feel bad for Matt Schaub. His best WR was cut by the Browns. Please get Andre Johnson healthy at least. My fantasy shitsquad could use him.

8. David Carr - You are officially a bust now, Davey. How many more chances do you need? I'm done with you. I'm writing you off. You and Tim Couch can go 69 each other as far as I care.

7. Brian Griese - Uh oh. Could it be that maybe it wasn't entirely Rex Grossman's fault??? No, that's not true. But if you're throwing 3 picks to Lions Defense, you suck. Bears fans, since you'll be in the market for a QB this coming offseason, would you rather have McNabb or Colt Brennan??? Tough question. I'd rather have Eric Kramer.

6. Dolphins Defense - 179 yards to Justin Fargas...THEE Justin Fargas!!! Allowing Daunte Culpepper's wooden leg to go for 5 TD's is just fantastic. Have some fucking pride. If Miami didn't play the Bills twice, I would say that they lose every game this year.

5. 49ers Offensive Line - Somehow Herm Edwards won yesterday so he will be vacating his memorial spot this week to the San Francisco sieve. Ouch. It hurts just to watch Alex Smith get killed during the first quarter by Rocky Bernard. But at least the O-Line gave me something I truly enjoy...watching Trent Dilfer suck. The 49ers suck. They have to be the worst offense in the NFL (but I refuse to do research on this claim).

4. The Entire Rams Organization - You guys are quitters. You are truly pathetic. Where is the passion? You have rolled over and died in every game this season. If Marc Bulger was really hurt, then why the hell are they playing him? He isn't helping. The Rams would get beat by the Chiefs practice squadders.

***We interrupt this topic for a question that I need answered. So, I'm listening to the ESPN radio NFL show yesterday and Jeremy Green is on. He is the son of Dennis Green, I am told. But he sounds like a nerdier-than-John Clayton white guy. Is Jeremy Green black???

3. The Brothers Turner - Oh, Norv, you are who we thought you were. Terrible. I could coach the Chargers better than this. I know what you're thinking, "yeah, right, that's easy to say". I stand by that. 99% of the world population could have the Chargers 3-1 right now. And Ron Turner, you are an embarrassment. The Bears offense couldn't score on...hmmm....well, a Norv Turner defense. Severance packages for the Turner bros this offseason!!!

2. Ray Lewis - You talk a good game. You hit hard. But you could easily be 0-4 today and you haven't played a playoff caliber team yet. 27 points to the Brownies??? Have some pride. If you look back on my NFL preview, I picked the Ravens third in the North. I didn't like the dynamic of the team. I look pretty damn smart right now, eh? And I said that the Raiders would be improved!!! And I picked the Saints to win the South--oops. Better stop sucking my dick.

1. The Eagles O-Line - 12 sacks allowed. Twelve. To the Giants. 6 of them to Osi Umenyiora (didn't even look up the spelling!!!). Donovan McNabb was quoted after the game saying "offensive lines block differently for black QB's". I felt bad for him though, he had no chance. Truly herendous performance. I expect more out of an Andy Reid coached team. And yes, I am officially on board with the claim that Andy Reid is a bigger version of my father. Except I don't have the rap sheets of a Reid boy.

I just had some M&M's which seem to be settling down the stomach a bit. Who knows, I may make it through the day after all. Well, unless I'm walking to lunch behind Jon Runyan...then I know it's over.

3 comments:

rstiles said...

What the fuck was Andy Reid doing?...why didn't he make some adjustments and get help for that Justice kid who was taking on Osi...

What a dumb fuck!

Anonymous said...

Here is a scary thought: Maybe the Browns aren't that bad?

-Damman

stonybrown said...

But does Andy Reid own a River Bandit bus?