Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The Middle Finger: DirecTV



I'm back at work after yesterday's triumphant call-off. I got quite a few episodes of The Wire under my belt to show for it. But I've still got a lot of venom to spew from Sunday.

So, I made the trip back to my hometown this weekend for a weddin'. A great time. I got to see a lot of people that I rarely get to see. But what I was really looking forward to was the fact that my parents have DirecTV and get NFL Sunday Ticket. This is where things get tricky. Due to the sheer incompetence of the satellite company, this week's Middle Finger goes straight up to outer space and the douchenozzles at DirecTV.

Sunday morning, I'm fighting a massive hangover. I had to result to all my tricks: chocolate milk, generic ibuprofen, and even a McDonald's breakfast. It was working ever so slowly. The one thing that kept me going was the fact that at 1 o'clock, I was going to be able to watch my Redskins take on Brenda Warner's husband. Not so fast.

At 1 o'clock...nothing. Just a black screen. Flip to the Giants/49ers game...nothing. Check in on the Bills/Ravens...jack shit. The only games that came in were the dreadful Saints/Falcons which featured the awful play-by-play of Chris Rose, the Pats/Dolphins which was like watching the Globetrotters play the Generals, and the Titans and Texans which featured no good players on the field this weekend.

2 o'clock...still nothing. I'm doing what I normally do by sitting at the computer flipping through different gamecenters on NFL.com. My dad is on the phone with DirecTV screaming about how this is an injustice and wanting people to be stoned to death. They say that they "have people working on the satellite problem." Well, that's no fucking help to me, my pounding head, or my ears that are filled with the homoerotic sounds of Chris Rose.

3 o'clock...still sitting at the computer, fuming mad. Dad is trying to get back on the horn with DirecTV to bitch but they are "experiencing a high volume of calls". Yeah, go figure. If you rob Giants fans of their game, you're going to catch hell. Chris Rose's voice is still carving through my brain like a Christmas ham. He is so bad.

4 o'clock...I find out on NFL.com that the Redskins had won less than impressively. Good thing I got to see the onside kick and missed FG. Sounds like a good finish. DirecTV still hasn't resolved the situation. My dad has officially gone on a killing spree throughout the neighborhood. I head back to Columbus.

My point is, what the fuck DirecTV??? The NFL Sunday Ticket is your bread and butter and you completely fuck the shit up. For God's sake, the Red Zone channel didn't even come in. So, you alienated 6 fan bases on Sunday with your incompetence and incontinence. Job well done. I will never, ever buy DirecTV and I'm pretty sure that my father used the dish as his deadly weapon during his murder-thon.

Thanks for nothing, DirecTV. I'll try you one more time over Thanksgiving, so get your shit together. You have truly earned this week's Middle Finger. Fuck you. And fuck Chris Rose.

4 comments:

J Beanie said...

That sucks. It was a great game. The worse part for you, that game was on Fox and you didn't even need the NFL Ticket for it. Did you ever think of watching it on regular TV smart guy?

GMoney said...

I'm a televised football conossieur, bud. The Lions/Bucs was the game on in NW Ohio.

J Beanie said...

Well that sucks. Can't believe Fox didn't even switch to the Redskins/Cards game for the end. And conossieur is a word that is very underused I believe. Good work in using it well today.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you're a straight up cunt. A sports fan with a blog. It's like a queer with a vagina. They really don't belong together at all.