Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The Middle Finger: Brett Favre



Let's get one thing clear: I'm a huge Brett Favre fan. Even at 38, he's one of the most entertaining athletes in the world. If the Packers are on TV, I'm watching. I'm happy for him that he broke the touchdown record this past weekend. I really am. I even enjoyed his tribute to Lex Luger by executing a perfect Torture Rack on Greg Jennings. But something that he said after the game really grinded my gears. And that's why this week's illustrious Middle Finger goes to Brett Favre.

Brett, you don't have to kiss everyone's ass for your own accomplishments. Thank your teammates and coaches, your family and fans. I'm fine with that. But to go out of your way to suck up to Dan Marino??? I don't like it. Here's the quote:

"To be mentioned in the same breath as Dan and the other guys is quite an honor,’’ said Favre. "To me that is more important than the record.’’

Wait a minute. The last time I checked, NO ONE wanted to be mentioned in the same breath as Dan Marino. If you are, doesn't it mean that you never won a big game? Doesn't it mean that you racked up numbers but no rings? If the whole point of playing in the NFL is to win a title, then why would you be proud to be mentioned with Dan Marino? You would seriously rather be spoken in the same sentence with Dan Marino as opposed to holding the NFL career touchdown record? I'm not buying that. This is how his press conference should have gone:

"I earned this. 422 touchdowns. That's amazing. Hell, I'm amazing. Considering the best players I've ever played with are Robert Brooks and Edgar Bennett, it really shows how great I am. But what I'm most proud of is my Super Bowl title. Dan Marino can suck it. I'm a winner and he's a loser. The only thing I envy Dan for is his acting skills. His role in Ace Ventura was truly exceptional while my performance in There's Something About Mary was abysmal at best. I mean, it was just terrible. So, to that I say, kudos to you, Dan. Oh, and your late 80's curly mullett look was fantastic. But as I ride off into the night a Super Bowl champion and NFL record holder, I have myself, and only myself to thank. I earned these Wrangler 5 Star Premium Jeans and Prilosec OTC. Please, don't ever compare me to Dan Marino. That's all I ask. I'll see you guys again in March when I decide whether I want to play anymore. Thank you, I mean, thank me. I am an icon. Kiss the ring, Dan, you Isotoner-wearing motherfucker."

All I want is a little honesty, Brett. Substituting a little class for the truth isn't a bad thing. Much like Lt. Caffey, we want the truth. We can handle the truth.

In all seriousness though, after the first 4 weeks of the season, I would vote Favre as the NFL MVP. He has no running game at all and is still 4-0. But that being said, sorry Brett. You get this week's Middle Finger for your puff piece ass-kissing of Dan Marino.

3 comments:

stonybrown said...

I beg to differ - Scott Conover, Don Shula, Sean Salisbury and Mike Golic salivate to lose 100s of pounds with Dandy Dan Marino.

John Kruk's wife told him he wasn't nearly as disgusting after hooking up with Dan.

Keep that in mind.

GMoney said...

Golic's favorite is the pot roast!!!

Anonymous said...

laugh my ass off!