Thursday, October 18, 2007

It Is ON Now!!!



The Indians' chicanery knows no bounds. On the heels of "Midgefest", the Wahoo Warriors are stooping to a new low to get in the head of the opposing teams pitcher. What are they doing to get into the head of game 5 Red Sox starter and ham-fisted mongoloid, Josh Beckett???

The Plain Dealer is reporting that Beckett's ex-girlfriend and country music "star", Danielle Peck (looking sexy as fuck to the left, but still, who?), is singing the national anthem tonight. BURN!!!

The Indians claim they had no idea of the love connection when they announced Tuesday that Peck would replace Taylor Swift as tonight's vocalist.

"It's an incredible coincidence. Honestly," said Indians spokesman Bob DiBiasio. "This isn't another bug thing."


Who the fuck is Taylor Swift? Oh God this is stupid, how does this even make the newspaper? I would like to think that DiBiasio is better than this. You know, since he is probably related to "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase.

"She's from Ohio. Her entire family are Indians fans. We did not know anything about her connections to Beckett. The next day, we find out the rest of the story," said DiBiasio. "How are we supposed to know who Josh Beckett dates?"

It is irresponsible to NOT know who the opposing team's players have dated!!! If we can't trust baseball brass to keep up to speed on the dating patterns of pitchers and quasi-country music sensations, who can we trust???

But it's no secret that Beckett also has dated actress Alyssa Milano and model Leeann Tweeden.
If Tweeden models "Mrs. Sizemore" shirts on the scoreboard and Milano throws out the first pitch, we'll know the games aren't just on the field.


It would be impossible for Tweeden to be Mrs. Sizemore since she is a woman and Grady tends to frequent truck stop men's rooms.

So what impact will this have on the game? Absolutely none. It's still going to be boring and it's still not going to be watched. But the real issue is, how the hell is this guy (as well as the corpse of Carl Pavano and very "lard-y" Brad Penny) pulling quality ass like this chick, Milano, and Tweeden??? I wish I would've played on that 2003 Marlins team, the chicks clearly flock to them. I, too, should've been a ham-fisted mongoloid.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good baseball isn't always exciting. It can be a thing of beauty though, as proved by the last three games. Timely hitting, lights out picthing, great defense. It doesn't get much more beautiful than that. I feel sorry for you that you can't appreciate good baseball.

-Damman

J Beanie said...

That is the greatest thing I've ever heard. What a great move by the Indians organization (no we aren't above that). They should have Grady escort her to the microphone and give her big kiss (even if, in your mind, it would be the first time he kissed a girl). Nothing shakes you up and gets you more pissed off than seeing your hot ass ex kiss another guy. Classic move.

Damman, GMoney can't appreciate that stuff since he is a Yankees fan. He hasn't see beautiful baseball since, well, since the Indians in Game 4 of the ALDS.

GMoney said...

Every one of these games have ended up being blowouts...how is that good baseball???

Go suck Bruce Drennan's gambling cock. I'm sure he'll give you a "rally pie" full of prison man-juice.

stonybrown said...

I'd just be upset that Taylor Swift wasn't going to be there - high quality!!!!