Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The Hump Day Hump

Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.

This week, it's the "I haven't see the sun here in central Ohio in at least two weeks" edition.

***If It Means Less Chris Berman, I'll Take It - I make it no secret that my favorite TV show is the NFL Draft. That being said, even I think it's way too long. But now, Roger Goodell has taken time out of his busy schedule of running the KGB to shorten the length of time in between picks for the first 2 rounds. I'm ecstatic. 10 minutes is more than enough time in the first round to make a pick. Well, unless Mike Tice is running your team (into the ground).

***Ray Lewis Is A Murderer, Finally Gets It - FINALLY!!! Someone on the Ravens is calling out Brian Billick as the idiot that he truly is. Yes, Ray, you are right, it IS Billick's fault that the offense sucks. I have a feeling that this is the beginning of the end for the smarmy douche. I couldn't be happier. Now if we can just strike that horrific Super Bowl from the record books...you remember, the one with Kerry Collins and Trent Dilfer. Never happened. Just like the Vietnam War.

***Rockies/Red Sox winner? The Burlington Coat Factory - With the World Series starting tonight, even though it really hasn't taken place since 2000, I better trot out a prediction. This promises to not only be one of the least viewed series ever, but also the coldest. Shit, it's already snowing in Denver! And Boston is always gay although it has nothing do with the temperature. WAIT!!! Yes it does, gay men wear scarves. So expect to see a lot of scarves in Fenway these next 10 days or so. Whew, good save. My heart says to take the Rockies in 5 with Todd Helton as the MVP. My head and wallet say to take the Red Sox in 5 with Beckett winning 2 games. Either way, we all lose.

***You Just Realized That Oakland Is A Terrible City? - The co-owner of the A's is hell-bent on moving the team out of Oakland as soon as humanly possible. No shit. I guess it's finally getting old having to dodge bullets when you go to a game. This would explain all of Rich Harden's injuries and Eric Chavez's sucktitude...they've been shot. Sal Bando must be rolling over in his grave though. What? Sal Bando's not dead? Well, then Bo Diaz has to be rolling over in his grave. I know he's dead.

***If You Listen Closely, You Can Hear Bill Simmons Crying - Last night, the great Kevin Durant sprained his ankle in a preseason tilt with the Lakers/Rapists. Is this a big concern for the team that is leaving Seattle soon? Probably not. But when your fantasy hoops draft was last night and you nabbed Durant in the 4th round, I am a little concerned. After all, Durant is the best young player I've seen since Teen Wolf.

***Florida State Is A Shitty Program Again - Is it just me or do the Noles change starting QB's every week. For the fifth time this year, Drew Weatherford's interceptions are back as QB1. Casey Wheldon ain't walking through that door. Peter Tom Willis ain't walking through that door. Chris Weinke can't even walk. All this on the heels of a couple of pranksters putting a "For Sale" sign in Bobby Bowden's yard after the Noles lost to The U this past weekend. Hilarious!!! As a fan of Springfield mob violence and Djordjevic fucking with Craig T. Nelson's house in All The Right Moves, I approve of this tactic. If you don't put Coach back on the air, I will kill Craig T. Nelson.

***The Real Question Is, How Were His Eggs? - In a story too deliciously white trash to be true, Kid Rock was arrested at an Atlanta-area Waffle House this past weekend for getting into a rumble with another drunk/stoned/disgusting patron. Do you smell that? That's a stereotype coming to fruition right before our eyes. But who am I to judge? Kid Rock keeps it real. No word on whether or not he went to dinner that night at Shoney's.

I'm actually pretty excited right now. I seem to be over my blogger's block. I've got some pretty good stuff coming the next two days featuring my NBA preview tomorrow which I've been working on for a week and a half (yes, that is true). Friday, I will try to figure out if there is any chance in hell that my Redskins can beat the Pats on Sunday. The results will be bonerific. See you tomorrow with hoop dreams.

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