Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Every Wednesday, we here at The Money Shot run down some stories that aren't "full topic worthy" in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results are delightful.
This week, the "We're Moving On With Our Sports Life" edition.
That was one expensive-ass dogfight - An arbiter has rules that Mikey Vick is going to have to give a shit-ton of his signing bonus back to the Falcons for being a terrible employee. Good for them. But I'll tell you what, the Falcons need Vick badly. Maybe with this recouped money, they can spring for another high quality QB. Did somebody say Jeff George? Jeff Blake? Jeff Hostetler?
It's official, she's been lying for years - It's a bit old as far as news goes, but Marion Jones sucks. If memory serves me, she had been accused of roids numerous times and always defended her honor and saying the rumors were not true. Well fuck you, you scumbag whore. I hope the IOC takes your medals, records, and even your soul for this charade. You are a gigantic fraud. It's a good thing that sprinting is a pretty meaningless sport otherwise people might care.
A-Rod will play until he's 80 - Or that's what super-agent and uber-douchebag, Scott Boras, wants you to believe. Are you serious? Boras has guaranteed that Alex will play until he's 45, hit 1000 home runs, and break Bad Haircut Rose's all time hit record. I know you are supposed to promote your client, but come on. Do you have a crystal ball? Did you visit a gypsy who told the future? You have no fucking idea what's going to happen down the road for Alex so take it easy with the predictions. On a completely unrelated note, I have hired Boras to represent this blog. He is predicting that I will win the Nobel Prize and pass Deadspin in hits over the next month. Thanks, Scott.
Might as well put my Scott Boras hat on - Even though the playoffs are over (the ratings will show that America agrees with me), I may as well predict the outcomes. This will likely be the last playoff related article you read here. I like the Red Sox to put Indians fans in their place in 6 games (Manny MVP). I also like the D-Backs to beat the Rockies in 7 (Brandon Webb wins 3 games for the MVP). And that will lead to the worst World Series ever. Actually, any combination of these 4 will likely pop the worst ratings in World Series history. Enjoy Joe Buck, douchebags!!!
These guys are a lot better than chairs - Anyone catch the highlights from Yi's preseason hoops debut with the Bucks last night? He fouled out, scored 3 points, and got POSTERIZED by some guy who will be in the NBDL in a few weeks. Uh oh. Milwaukee may have made a mistake by drafting a Chinese stiff whose only highlights were showcasing low post moves in practice against desk chairs. On another Chinese basketball note (because we scour the globe here), John Hollinger has unleashed his player rankings for this upcoming season. His #1 player in the entire NBA...Yao Ming. Huh?
Indiana recruits fine citizens - Indiana basketball recruit, Bud Mackey (with a name like that, I expect he played for Norman Dale at Hickory High), was arrested for dealing cocaine in Kentuck-a. Oh, well played, sir. This is just another glaring example of my theory that athletes are the dumbest people in the world. And that Kelvin Sampson only recruits horrible character guys. A bit of advice to Bud Mackey...drugs are bad, mmmm-kay.
What the fuck? - This may be the most disturbing news I've heard in awhile, but Nick Nolte and his ho just had a kid. That's right, Nick Nolte is a father of a newborn. The 66 year old Nolte. THIS Nick Nolte.
Try to get some sleep tonight everyone, I know I won't. I'm too terrified.