Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Middle Finger: Tiki Barber

Honestly, I'm not in a very bitter mood today since my Redskins won on Sunday and all 3 of my fantasy teams got off to a great start with some dominating performances. So I'm sitting in my cube this morning trying to figure out who I can attack this week and all of a sudden it dawns on me. Why not go after a guy who I've always hated who has been shooting off at the mouth way too much recently?

And that's why this week's big Middle Finger is going to Tiki Barber.

Let me start this off by saying that Tiki Barber makes Wayne Brady look like Malcolm X (sorry for stealing your line, Paul Mooney). I have always hated Tiki. Every time the Giants faced the Redskins, he absolutely torched them. So why wouldn't I be happy to see him retired? Because he won't shut up. Because he keeps trying to shovel dirt on top of guys that aren't quitters. Because it is an abomination when a former athlete writes a book slamming everyone he used to play with. Blaming everyone else but himself for the Giants shortcomings. I'm sick of it. It wasn't cool when Jose Canseco did it, and it isn't cool now.

We all know Tom Coughlin sucks. We all know Eli Manning isn't a top-flite QB. We know Michael Strahan is a glory hog (and bad husband). We, in the media (yes, I'm categorizing myself as a media-type) can criticize this because we are stating an opinion. An opinion that differs from yours because it's our job to call people out when they fail to meet expectations. We aren't trying to sell a terrible book. I don't think you realize, Tiki, that there is a difference. You don't sell out people that, pardon the awful metaphor, you went to war with. You just don't.

Here's a quote from Tiki from when he was interviewed by the pride of Ohio University (that's not saying much), Matt Lauer, last week:

"People are looking for something concrete, one simple explanation of why I retired, and I'm not that simple, I'm not that shallow," he said. "It's a confluence of things. The pounding, the opportunity to do other things, the fact that I wasn't having fun doing it anymore.

"He (Coughlin) is part of the reason why I retired from the game," Barber continued. "I have a choice and I lose no matter what. I can say nothing, which is cowardly, I can lie, which is immoral, or I can tell the truth, which will upset people."

No, you don't have to comment. You made it quite clear last year when you put the announcement of your "farewell tour" ahead of the team and became a massive distraction. Why do you have to say anything at all??? Why can't you just sit back and be a terrible analyst? Why do you have to sell out guys that you yourself sold out last season? Oh, that's right, I forgot. You want to sell your inane, asinine memoirs!!!

Give it a rest, you aren't a Giant anymore. No one in that locker room likely considers you to ever have been a Giant after your recent shenanigans. Enjoy hanging out with Matt Lauer, I'm sure you are the envy of everyone.

As the great Silky Johnson said at The Player Hater's Ball, "I hate you. I hate you. I don't even know you and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and only you."

Tiki, you can take this Middle Finger and deposit into your rectum.


J Beanie said...

I agree, Tiki sucks, but Matt Lauer is not the pride of OU. We had Peter King and Jay Mariotti. OK, OK, I know, nothing great. Well how about MacGyver, Nancy Cartwright, Aresenio, Al Bundy, and don't forget Paul Newman who was expelled for throwing a keg down a hill and into the president's car. Now there's the pride of OU.

Go Bobcats!!!

GMoney said...

So I guess what you're trying to tell me is that all of these people are gay, no?

Cecil from Cecil Twp. said...


Cecil from Cecil Twp. said...

And please...you don't want to claim ownership of Jay Mariotti.

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