Everyone's favorite verbal punching bag turns 73 today. Yep, it Allan Huber "Bud" Selig, Jr.'s birthday!!! First things first, that's the best looking 73 year old I've seen since Suzanne Somers (I am aware that she isn't 73 yet, but you know damn well that she'll look exactly the same then as she does now).
Anyway, Bud, we here at The Money Shot would like to use today's post as a tribute to your legacy in the sport. We're going to run down your achievements and analyze their effectiveness. Ready? Doesn't matter, here we go.
***Created Interleague Play - Great move. The fans love it and this blog does, too. I don't care how many Pirates/Royals series there are, the Mets and Yankees make up for it tenfold.
***The Wild Card - Another brilliant strategy!!! The wild card has made the pennant chases even more interesting and gives a lot of different fanbases hope.
***The "new" Steroids testing policy - Ugh, I guess all that I could find were two positives. Buddie Boy (official sandwich of the gays), deep down you applauded steroids when it brought interest back to the sport in 1998, and now you act like you never knew. Get a fucking clue, Bud. Your new policy wouldn't be necessary if you just policed the sport better 10 years ago. It's funny because it only busts minor leaguers and the guy you want to bust, you can't.
***Created the World Baseball Classic - Not since the X-Games or the Winter Olympics has an event been so meaningless. Quick, who won it last year??? I think it was Japan but I'm not 100%.
***The man behind "THIS TIME IT COUNTS" - Oh, I long for the days when the all-star game was a fun exhibition and did not decide home field advantage for the World Series. I think it was about 6-7 years ago where the AL had both Robert Fick and Randy Winn playing in the last few innings of a tight game. As a Yankees fan, those two were playing a roll in whether home field was at Yankee Stadium in October. Rob Fick deciding where World Series games are played? No thanks.
***Allows Constant Criticism - This is the final nail in Bud's coffin. He lets anyone criticize him in the media with no repercussions. It's almost hilarious what these players and owners can get away with it. Almost on a weekly basis, Gary Sheffield and Barry Bonds throw out some "hurtin' bombs" at Allan Huber "Bud" Selig, Jr. Yet much like McBain's goggles, he does nothing. Think about it this way, you own a big company (you never will if you're reading my blog). Every week, the peons in the mail room send out memos to everyone in the company and community about how you are an ignorant asswipe. But you do nothing. You are the most powerful man in the sport and you do nothing to patrol your employees. Grow a set and start suspending people, Stalin-style.
Once again, Happy Birthday to baseball's version of C. Montgomery Burns.