Friday, June 29, 2007

The Championship: Sheffield Vs. Lee

The 2007 Glenallen Hill Memorial Toughest Baseball PlayerTournament of Champions

It's been a long and arduous road for our two finalists but at last we have our title fight. Representing that American League is Tigers OF Gary Sheffield, who has manhandled his way into the championship round. The National League champion is Astros OF Carlos Lee, who clobbered his way through the Senior Circuit. Who is the toughest player in baseball? That is for you to decide. It's up to you to crown The 2007 Glenallen Hill Memorial Toughest Baseball Player Tournament of Champions Champion.

2.) Gary Sheffield vs. 2.) Carlos Lee

While Sheff is a clubhouse cancer and lunatic, you can't discount the fact that he can beat some ass. Not the tallest guy in the world, he makes up for his lack of height with sheer will power and an ability to always be the craziest person in the skirmish. Being related to Doc Gooden only helps his unpredictability. And who knows, with him being related to Doc, he could be coked up and that's not good for his opponent. Absolutely manhandled Rondell White in the first round with a barrage of uppercuts, chaw spit, and anti-Latino sentiment. After remembering that his opponent used to be a Yankee farmhand, Sheff easily pummelled his way through Wily Mo Pena. Because everybody knows that Gary hates Yankees. Using that same hatred for Joe Torre's disciples, Sheff pounded Kyle Farnsworth in the AL Final and left him for dead. Yankees fans were quite pleased with this outcome actually. He will need to step up his game to defeat the much bigger and stronger Carlos Lee though.

(Sheff kneeing the life out of Bubba Crosby for invading his space)

Now this is a scary individual. Nicknamed "El Caballo", which is Mexican for "Motherfuckin' Badass". Legend has it that Carlos left Milwaukee not because they couldn't afford him, but because there was no one left in Wisconsin to kill. Wisconsin: Population = 1 (Brett Favre). Lee finished off So Taguchi in round 1 by eating his family...with chopsticks. El Caballo advanced to the Finals by disposing of Cubs backup catcher Henry Blanco by using an assortment of high-flying lucha libre style moves including the huracanrana and enziguiri. Marched into The Finals by dispensing fan favorite, Dmitri Young, after ripping all of Da Meat Hook's hair and eating it. He will need deeper focus in the championship round though as the National League does not offer any opponent as nuts as Sheffield.

(El Caballo showing the world that he wears space pants because his ass is out of this world)

Alright, the combatants are set for a week-long slugfest, you decide who wears the crown. Poll is up in the top right. Vote often.

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