Friday, April 20, 2007

You Don't Bring a Knife to a Gun Fight

That's right. G$ is going all sorts of cliche on you today. But, it does ring true. Eric Wedge totally brought his knife (Joe Borowski) yesterday in the 9th inning against Joe Torre's bazooka/flame thrower/machine gun combination. What a moron, Wedge should be fired. Yesterday's amazing come-from-behind win also spawned a new nickname. From the guy that brought you Bobby "Sweet Pea" Abreu, Joakim "Jo-No" Noah, and LeBron "Fuck Yo' Couch" James (not really on the last one, but every time LeBron does something sick, I do say in my best Chappellian Rick James impression, "FUCK YO COUCH"); I now bring you Alex "Baseball Jesus" Rodriguez!!!

I think it fits quite well. The man is hitting seeds right now. Even when he struggles, like much of yesterday, he found a way to come up big. This is totally a different player than the last two seasons of turmoil and utter contempt. He's likeable. He's on fire. He's dead sexy. And it's all because of my decision to support him through thick and thin this season. Don't worry Baseball Jesus, I don't want any compensation, just another World Series.

But that brings me to the official start of the baseball season...Yankees/Red Sox Round 1. Let's face it, baseball is meaningless and even a little boring until these two go after it. Since my boys got unceremoniously bounced last year in the playoffs by an inferior team (big whoop, wanna fight about it), the highlight of my season was the 5 game Boston Massacre Sweep. It was so amazingly bonerific. If I could have sex with an event, it would've been that. It felt that good.

And it begins again tonight. And I'm afraid to say it looks like Joe Torre is bringing his own knife to the gunfight for this series. I still think WE can win the series, but the pitching matchups just do not look good at all. Schilling and Pettitte tonight should be one helluva duel. Saturday's less than intriguing matchup features the return of Jeff Karstens (!) vs. Josh Beckett who is beginning to resemble the shape and flammability of a gas can when facing the Pinstripers. And Sunday night's matchup is really good with rookie Chase Wright facing Andrew Dice Clay.

I want a sweep. I would love to just win the series. The way OUR pitching is, I would even accept not getting swept...but I wouldn't like it. Either way, enjoy the series starting tonight from the Rat Trap in Boston.

It's good to have baseball back again...


stonybrown said...

I guess I have to be prepared to not pay any attention to ESPN this weekend. ALL YANKS AND SOX ALL THE TIME!!!!!

Wicked awesome. Or not.

GMoney said...

We sophisticated fans do not say "wicked". That word is for inbred dickwipes.