Thursday, February 01, 2007

Super Prediction

Guess what? The Super Bowl is Sunday. Time for my prediction. I have developed a 15 part formula to break down the winner and final score based on three overlooked categories: karma, character, and past. I will be breaking down positions for each team and judging a point total to whichever team has the advantage at that position. There are 10 football positions and 5 more fan related positions. Let's do it, let's break it down and see, because I don't have any idea how my numbers are going to look at the end, are going to turn out.
QB - Peyton Manning has earned this after his past failures, but loses some points for his "cut that meat" cesspool. Rex Grossman should be pumping gas. COLTS +4
RB - Thomas Jones was told by Tampa and Arizona that they didn't want him. No rookie "deserves" to win a Super Bowl without doing some time in the league. BEARS +2
WR/TE - Marvin Harrison has done nothing in his playoff career which hurts the ranking, but Dallas Clark gets some karma points for coming back and playing great after being told he was out for the season. Muhsin Muhammad deserves a title, too, after Brady ripped his heart out 3 years ago when he was with Carolina. COLTS +2
OL - Bears RT Fred Miller is deaf and that is impressive but Colts undrafted, Pro Bowl, AND BEARDED center Jeff Saturday is amazing. The fact that in the AFC Championship, the Colts got TD's from TWO OL is wonderful karma. COLTS +2
DL - Tank Johnson. Tank Johnson. Tank Johnson. The Colts player at the same position is named Booger. COLTS +5
LB - Brian Urlacher has earned the right to play for the title. Cato June and whoever the hell else the Colts have at LB aren't even good enough to know. BEARS +3
DB - Even though Nick Harper deserves some good luck after getting tripped up by Big Ben last year in the playoffs after getting stabbed in the leg by his bitch, he might not play. Bob Sanders is a force. I take points away from the Bears simply because people keep saying that they are without Mike Brown...THEY'VE BEEN WITHOUT HIM SINCE WEEK 5. They've replaced him, it isn't an excuse. COLTS +1
K - Robbie Gould has been great this year but I take away a little since he was probably forced to wipe JoePa's ass at Penn St. Three Words: Adam Fucking Vinatieri. Colts +4
Special Teams - Devin Hester is deadly while I think Terrence Wilkins sucks and fumbles way too much. Extra point for Bear P Brad Maynard being Player of the Year in the MAC. BEARS +4
City - Indianapolis stole the Colts from Baltimore which I respect in a dog eat dog way. The Bears compare every team to the '85 Bears which is annoying. The Bears have never moved though. BEARS +2.
Fans - This is most likely a record for the city of Miami for most guys with mustaches. Way to go Bears fan! BEARS +3
Celebrity Fans - Can't name one celeb that likes the Colts but it's better to have none than Jim Belushi. COLTS +4
Organization - The Colts were beaten down in Super Bowl III in the biggest upset ever not to mention all of Peyton's heartache. The Bears have never lost a Super Bowl and thus lose karma there. COLTS +2
Against the Spread - The Colts were a terrible 10-9 ATS this season but have covered 3 weeks in a row. The Bears are a bit better at 11-7 ATS this year but lose a point for claiming they've been underdogs all season eventhough they've been underdogs only TWICE in 18 games. BEARS +2.
Adding up....
Prediction: Colts (-7) 24, Bears 16.

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