Monday, January 22, 2007

The Motion Picture Event of the Year

GMoney Entertainment proudly presents the greatest movie ever: TANNEN'S 23.
The plot of this award winning screenplay is 23 down on their luck actors banding together to pull of the greatest caper in the history of the world...robbing Ocean's 11. It is simple. The leader of Tannen's 23, Biff Tannen (played by the brilliant actor and now comedian Thomas F. Wilson), has crafted a master plan to turn all of his friends' fortune around. But one problem exists. Ocean's 11 is leaving to shoot Ocean's 13 in two days so they must act now. In order to guarantee success for Tannen's 23, Biff is sending 11 teams of two men to different parts of the globe to find these men, rob them blind, and lift the spirits of his downtrodden troop of accomplished actors. Biff has made up his mind on the partnerships and targets and the list is as followed.
1. Carl Reiner vs. Fyvush Finkel and Charlie Brill
--The Lipschultz Brothers (Finkel as Boston Public's Harvey Lipschultz and Brill as Silk Stalkings' Capt. Harry Lipschultz) are more than determined to take down senior member of Ocean's 11.
2. Shaobo Qin vs. Ted McGinley and Ted Wass
--The little Asian has no chance, even with funky martial moves to outlast McGinley (as Jefferson D'arcy of Married with Children) and Wass (Blossom's dad).
3. Eddie Jemison vs. Andrew Koenig and Curtis Armstrong
--George Clooney's tech geek will be destroyed by Boner (Growing Pains) and Booger (Revenge of the Nerds).
4. Bernie Mac vs. Kirk Baily and Ray Bolger
--How does Bernie Mac stand a chance against the Camp Counselor from Salute Your Shorts (Baily as Kevin "Ug" Lee) and the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz (he's been dead since 1987)?
5. Scott Caan vs. Chris Bauer and Marc Summers
--Caan has his hands full. Bauer (Lee Nickel from Tilt) provides the punches while Summers (host of Double Dare) provides the green slime.
6. Elliot Gould vs. David Schramm and Burt Young
--the next oldest of the 11 is sure to be manhandled by the team of Schramm (Roy Biggins from Wings) and Young (Paulie from the Rocky movies).
7. Casey Affleck vs. Ian Ziering and Dr. Nick Riviera
--While Ziering (as Steve Sanders of 90210) pummels Ben Affleck's brother Dr. Nick Riviera (The Simpsons) will be glad to perform some unnecessary and fatal operations.
8. Don Cheadle vs. William Zabka and Christopher Hewett
--Zabka (playing Johnny Lawrence from The Karate Kid and the bad guy in about every 80's teen movie) will beat the bad British accent out of Cheadle while Hewett (Mr. Belvedere) will have no problem cleaning the room and leaving no evidence.
The Big 3 are left...
9. Matt Damon vs. Jerry Levine and Scott Baio
--Even Damon's Bourne Identity training will not help taking on these two titans with Levine reprising his role as Rupert "Stiles" Stilinski in Teen Wolf and Scott Baio playing himself because he needs no character...he's that damn deadly.
10. Brad Pitt vs. Sam Lloyd and Frank Stallone
--The punchline of numerous Norm McDonald jokes, Stallone (as himself) will be looking to unleash a lot of pent-up rage on Pitt. Lloyd (the loveable Ted Buckland from Scrubs) can probably just take a nap.
11. George Clooney vs. Dennis Haskins and Bill Kirchenbauer
--Without a doubt Tannen's best team going after the big dog. Haskins (Mr. Belding of Saved By The Bell) and Kirchenbauer (Graham Lubbock of Growing Pains and Just the Ten of Us) should have no problem using their high school administration knowledge to dupe Clooney out of all his money.
Will Tannen's 23 pull off the greatest heist of all time??? Find out MEMORIAL DAY 2007!!!

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