Friday, January 26, 2007

Airing of Grievances

Here's another round of my popular Airing of Grievances Segment.

1. Drew's Blog: It's been 7 damn weeks since your last blog, asshole, get on the ball. I'm sure you can comment on something. You watch enough terrible tv that I bet you can scrounge up some remarks on something.

2. Super Bowl Overhype: I realize that when there is two weeks until the big game that the media is going to beat a dead horse on some issues. The big things that I'm tired of hearing about are Peyton Manning's thumb, good Rex vs. Bad Rex, and especially the first black coaches in the Super Bowl. Not to sound insensitive and I know this is important in the landscape of football, but get over it. Yes, two black coaches is a big story, but for all the good that Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith have done for black coaches everywhere, there was also a ton of damage done to the cause by Romeo Crennel, Art Shell, Herm Edwards who are widely recognized as awful at best game day coaches.

3. The new Donatos commercial: It starts out by saying that it takes a math genius to figure out pizza coupons. Oh really? What an insult to the Average Joe. Donatos is basically inferring that Joe Lunchpail can not comprehend what "one large, one topping pizza $9.99" or "any medium pizza for $5" means. Well, FUCK YOU DONATOS. I can read dammit. And the commercial ends with Johnny Voiceover guy saying "you shouldn't have to know pi to order one". Go to hell, Donatos, this is the worst marketing idea ever.

4. New Safe Auto Commercials: This is the first of two insurance company complaints. Have you seen these things? They have some idiot sitting behind a desk talking about how he gets letters everyday about how people want to hear the Safe Auto jingle more. No, they don't. It's not funny, it's fucking stupid. Oh and it's really cute that the two douche bags in the commercials have character names of "Bill Lumbergh" and "Michael Scott". That makes these commercials even funnier. If I was in Hollywood, I would sue the shit out of this turd insurance company for copyright infringements. I wouldn't want the brilliant character names associated with the insurance company for people that aren't eligible for more established insurance. Fuck Safe Auto. Your commercials suck.

5. The General Commercials: You've all seen these, there are two of them. They set up situations, one with the girl watching tv and the other with the guy working on his car, when all of a sudden they think, "I need to call The General". I mean seriously, you're just sitting around thinking if it's too early to start drinking or too light outside to masturbate and all of a sudden--WHAM--"I HAVE NO CAR INSURANCE!!! I better call the cartoon general on tv, he looks really professional." This especially is true for the guy WORKING ON HIS CAR. Does this moron just realize that he has had his car for 10 years and has never had insurance on it??? Are we made to believe that this guy is that dumb? And at the end of both commercials when both idiots are on the phone with The General, their significant other walks in the room and asks them who they are talking to. My response would be for that situation,"Mind your own fucking business. Does it really matter who the hell I'm talking to? For God's sake I haven't had car insurance for 10 fucking years. Get the fuck out of here."

As much as I love tv, sometimes I just hate it. I would also like to congratulate Bill "Nuggrag" "Davney" Downey on his upcoming nuptials. I am still going to punch him in the face though.

Next week, my in depth Super Bowl preview and prediction.

This message was approved by Curtis "Booger" Armstrong.

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