Wednesday, December 27, 2006

This Blog is on Vacation...



I've decided to not post again (other than this post) until after the New Year. Heading to the boss's beach house with Jonathan Silverman and Andrew McCarthy. Should be a good time.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

G$'s NFL Notes

It only took me 15 weeks to give some NFL thoughts but since we are heading down the stretch, here a dozen or so, starting with my beloved Redskins:

**Jason Campbell is going to be fine. He has a mustache for shit's sake!!!
**While I hate the two, Jeff Garcia and Andy Reid are doing AMAZING jobs.
**Tom Coughlin is the worst coach in the NFL since Marty Morningwood. But trailing closely are Jim Mora Jr. and Herm Edwards. Look at how those three teams have all went down in the shitter this year, it's astounding.
**If I was Arthur Blank and I heard Mora wanted to go to Washington (not my Washington thank God), I'd have had him pack his fucking bags that day. Disgrace to the sport.
**Tom Coughlin is to coaching as Jake Delhomme is to quarterbacking. If you tanked the SAT, I'm saying he sucks.
**I hope Bruce Gradkowski enjoyed his last snap ever in the NFL.
**Reggie Bush is the second most exciting player in the league and he's only a rookie.
**The only person less qualified for their current job other than George W Bush is Matt Millen. WHY DOES HE STILL HAVE A JOB. HIS RECORD AS GM IS 20-73!!!
**The Bears DEFENSE will cost them in the playoffs.
**Torry Holt is the best WR in the NFL. Period.
**Before the season started, avid blog reader, Austin, and some others asked me who I thought a good fantasy sleeper would be and I said Frank Gore will have a big season running behind Larry Allen. I also said Jon Kitna and Ernest Wilford, but no one cares about those guys.
**I have no idea why the Seahawks suck balls. They should be better than last season but the offense and defense are both rancid.

**I don't care what they did the last 5 years, the Patriots aren't very good this season.
**I can't remember the last time I've watched the Bills on TV...same goes for the 49ers, it's been at least 5 years for each team.
**If they make the playoffs, the Jets will be the worst playoff team of all time, worse than that Browns team a few years ago with (gasp) Kelly Holcomb.
**If the Colts don't win the title this year, Tony Dungy needs to go.
**Maurice Jones-Drew (I nicknamed him Mo-Jo, I think it's pretty good) should be the rookie-of-the-year.
**Vince Young is the real deal and Tennessee will unseat the Colts within the next 3 years. Jeff Fisher is the most underrated coach in football.
**Every time the Bengals think they're great and ready to step up, they fail miserably. It's quite comical.
**The Steelers will make the playoffs and you don't want to play them.
**The Ravens are the second best team in the NFL and no one has said anything about them all season.
**Herm Edwards is killing Larry Johnson because he is dumber than shit.
**Art Shell makes me laugh.
**Jay Cutler was the right decision.
**And finally, I've been a hardcore NFL fan since my freshman year of high school and I have to say that Ladanian Tomlinson's 2006 season is the most impressive season I have ever seen. The man is amazing and is the only player more electric than Reggie Bush.

Which leads me to my Super Bowl prayer. Before the season, I picked the Skins and Ravens. I still stand by that!!! But if that can't happen, how great would a SAINTS/CHARGERS Super Bowl be??? We're talking Reggie/LT, Brees/the team that didn't want him, Marty Schottenheimer/common sense. Couldn't get much better than that.


--last post for awhile, with the holidays and all, probably next Wednesday I'll have something cooking again. Peace!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Airing of Grievances



I've decided that every once in awhile, I'm going to use my online power to voice the things that are currently pissing me off. I'm sure there are about 500 things, but I'm going to keep it at 5. Let's get started.

1. The Carolina Panthers - easily the worst team to bet on all season, I don't know this for sure but I would bet (get it, it's a pun) that this underachieving shitball team hasn't covered when favored all season. Jake Delhomme is worse than Jordan Van Ausdale.

2. Road Construction/Accidents on Freeways - after almost missing my flight to Florida (dead sprint through the airport/last person to board the plane/almost killing the security broad over saline solution in my bag) due to an accident on US-23 and construction taking up TWO of the three lanes at I-70 and I-75 in Dayton almost causing me to miss tip-off at Millett this past Sunday morning. How can you take up two out of three lanes at one of the biggest freeway crossroads in the country!!! Ridicurous, the rines were crossed.

3. President of the United States of America...Wayne Palmer??? - As the new season of 24 approaches, I am skeptical of the producers making Wayne fucking Palmer president. Wayne Palmer!!! His brother, while well received by us as a better option at Pres than Bush, was mired in fake scandals and was a HUGE target for TV terrorist attacks! Are we supposed to buy that the idiot American public would vote for this guy? I mean, he had an affair with a broad whose husband was killed because of him and the mistress killed herself in front of him because she couldn't deal with the guilt!!! Come on, 24.

4. Tony Romo - Oh my God, do I hate this guy. What's with that goofy smile that he has on his face constantly. I guarantee that this guy plays Dungeons and Dragons and listens to fag bands like Radiohead. I'm so happy that he tanked Sunday night against the Saints (and lost to the Redskins) and am positive that he will KILL the Mexican National Team in the playoffs. He is my least favorite footballer by far now that McNabb is out for the season. For some reason I think Romo and Strut would be best friends...sorry Strut.

5. Christmas Music - I would rather be stuck in a room with Elton John, a sailor suit with a removeable ass-flap, and a bottle of lube than listen to this shit. Which makes suicide a more and more likely option considering that in a week from Friday I have been roped into rocking out to....MANNHEIM STEAMROLLER. A could possibly be able to talk myself into at least quasi-enjoying Trans-Siberian Orchestra, but these guys are like the JV team of Christmas bands. I'm pissed. I might miss Naptown bowling because of this. Christmas music, besides Carol of the Bells, flat out sucks Ron Jeremy's bowed penis.

Enough of that, my blood pressure is now through the roof...and I didn't even get to talk about how my G$FL team went 5-8-1 this season even though I had the 4th highest scoring team (and hung a league high of 116 points on Drew this week). God damn me and my 3 week love affair with Jon Kitna. I will never draft Edge or Cadillac EVER again.

---FYI, Casino Royale is bad ass.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Napoleon, Ohio: Home of The King of the Hobos



Rune e-mailed me this story today and all I can say is that it is amazingly hilarious. Who knew that the King of all Hobos was living in my hometown? Please read this, you'll laugh and I'll bold up some of my favorite lines. And by the way, this is from the New York Times.


Steam Train Maury, who started life as Maurice W. Graham until a train whistle’s timeless lament compelled him to hop a freight to freedom and, much later, fame, as the first and only Grand Patriarch of the Hobos, died on Nov. 18 in Napoleon, Ohio, near Toledo.


Mr. Graham was 89 and chief caretaker of the hobo myth, a cornerstone of which is the hobos’ term for death: “taking the westbound.” In his case, that last westbound freight left the yard when he suffered the last of several strokes and slipped into a coma, Phyllis Foos, manager of Walter Funeral Home in Toledo, said.
Mr. Graham wrote a book about his life on “the iron road,” was a founding member of the Hobo Foundation and helped establish the Hobo Museum in Britt, Iowa. At the National Hobo Convention in Britt, he was crowned king five times — in 1973, 1975, 1976, 1978 and 1981 — and, in 2004, was anointed grand patriarch.
No one else has ever been named a hobo patriarch. Mr. Graham also had the title Life King of the Hobos East of the Mississippi.
When itinerant men gathered around stewpots in “hobo jungles” during the Depression and for years afterward, Mr. Graham stirred the pot. He told a wonderful story about a hobo riding Halley’s Comet while brandishing a torch.
He told of characters like the Pennsylvania Kid, who shaved with a piece of glass from a Coke bottle. When The Washington Times asked Mr. Graham in 1989 whether it was true that some hobos used deodorant, he answered:
“It’s a shame, but I don’t know what we can do about it.”
Hobos belong to that part of the American imagination where real history merges with showmanship. Since the Civil War, itinerant men have sneaked free rides on freight trains, and as field hands, loggers and miners they had much to do with building the American West and shaping industry. During the Depression, more than a million desperate people rode the rails in search of work.
They were admired as much as pitied. Steinbeck called hobos “the last free men,” and by the late 19th century, hobos had formed their own tongue-in-cheek union, Tourist Union Local 63. Britt officials offered Local 63 their town for its annual convention in 1900 and were shocked when big-city reporters showed up and did not treat the event as the joke it was intended to be.
By 1933, Britt, by then known as “the hobo town,” decided to capitalize on the unlikely confab. It marketed the convention far and wide, gave away mulligan stew and crowned hobo royalty. The gathering, about 100 miles north of Des Moines, became a four-day affair, drawing tens of thousands.
But now hobos are getting scarce, as boxcars have been sealed and the prosecution of trespassers has tightened. Mr. Graham, who took to showing up at the Britt convention in a camper, said some pretenders were “show-bos, not hobos.”
Mr. Graham was one of the last of the authentic, undisputed, old-time hobos. He gave the crowds what they were looking for, including a flowing white beard, a walking stick decorated with owl feathers, and stories about friends like Frying Pan Jack. He even strove to elevate his itinerant, idiosyncratic ilk, emphasizing that hobos are not bums, winos or reprobates.
“A hobo is a man of the world, who travels to see and observe and then shares those views with others,” he said.
Mr. Graham was born on June 3, 1917, in Atchison, Kan. Because of domestic problems, he was shuffled among parents, an aunt and married siblings. He escaped by hopping a train in 1931, at the age of 14.
He eventually settled down, learned the cement-mason trade and set up a school for masons in Toledo. He was an Army medical technician during World War II.
By 1971, he was a day laborer with a wife, two children and a bad hip that kept him from working much. His hanging around the house was getting on his wife’s nerves, The Los Angeles Times reported in 1989.
So one day in 1971, he hopped a freight on the edge of town with a vague idea he would relive hobo memories and see his wife, Wanda, in a few weeks.
It was 1981 when Mr. Graham finally returned. He had not communicated for more than a decade. Wanda agreed to go out for dinner and talk. (She paid, of course.) He wanted to come home, and she ultimately could not resist his charm.
“It was better than living alone,” she told The Times.
In addition to his wife of 69 years, Mr. Graham is survived by his daughters, Alice Spangler and Karen Carson; five grandchildren; and seven great-grandchildren.
After his return Mr. Graham stayed home, except for trips with his wife to hobo events and visits to people in hospitals and prisons. He lived mainly off Social Security.
In 1990, Mr. Graham and Robert J. Hemming wrote “Tales of the Iron Road: My Life as King of the Hobos.” A review in The Los Angeles Times wondered if it neglected “a darker, hard-drinking, womanizing, gambling side of Graham’s nature” in its emphasis on hobo chivalry.
Mr. Graham returned annually to Britt, where he presided over the yearly gravesite service for hobos interred under a large cross made of railroad ties. The hobo ritual is to circle the plot, holding their walking sticks high over the tombstones.

God Bless Hobos. And God Bless Frying Pan Jack.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Like It Or Not, The BCS Got It Right



Bowl season is here and although its taken its criticism, the BCS nailed it this season. Michigan fans don't like it, but look in the mirror and answer these questions for me:

1. Did you win your conference? NO

2. Did you get your shot at #1? YES

3. Does your morbidly retarded head coach deserve a shot at a title? HELL NO

If you answer those questions honestly, you should be like, wow, Florida really does deserve a shot before we get ANOTHER SHOT.

Will Florida get crushed by OSU? Maybe.

Would Michigan give OSU a better game than what the Gators will? Maybe. I love this argument as apparently Michigan fans know the answer to hypothetical questions.

Does Michigan have a QB that played against Hoover High from MTV's Two-A-Days? Hell no, but Florida does, and that's reason enough for me.

I'm absolutely ecstatic about the national championship game though. The two most deserving teams get to play for a title. Good QB's, good young talent, good coaches...you can't ask for anything more.

Early prediction: Florida 31-24 in double OT...choke on that 2002 revenge.

Bolder prediction: The Big Ten won't win one bowl game...and if they win one, they definitely won't win two.