Thursday, November 30, 2006
I couldn't have said it better. In 1998 when Britney came on to the scene causing a massive amount of high school and middle-aged erections, she could do no wrong. She was smoking hot, dressing like a school girl, and shaking that ass like it was nobody's business. Now look at her. She was married to a guy named Jason Alexander (who didn't play George Costanza) for about 20 minutes, married Nobel Prize winner Kevin Federline (who I saw on Monday Night Raw a few weeks ago and sings about Popozao whatever the fuck that is), has had two kids with the aforementioned king of white trash, walks barefoot into a public restroom (which for my money is the most disgusting thing someone could do), and has her less than a year old baby sit on her lap while she drives. It's people like Britney that make me think that all celebrities should have someone with them at all times just to relay common sense to them. Like, I could have been there saying "Look, Britney, I realize you have to drop a serious duke but I really think you should put on shoes when you go into the restroom of a Shell." It just makes sense.
Anyway, you probably are wondering about the picture I found of Professor Spears. Well, we all know that her and K-Fed got divorced. I said earlier that in 1998 she could do no wrong. But, it's 2006, times have changed. Now she's divorced with two kids, hangs out with Paris Hilton, apparently doesn't wear underwear when she goes out, and thusly, likes to showcase her cooter and especially her c-section scar to the paparazzi. How the mighty have fallen.
If I have one thing I could say to Britney, it would be, "Hey, Britney. Nice Vagina."
(This is a blog for families...that's why I won't post the actual pictures. But they're out there and I'll be honest, they're worth a look. Because haven't you always wondered where Kevin Federline buried his dong?)
Monday, November 27, 2006
You may think "Hey, Money, you just spent the past week in Naptown and South Florida...you must have a ton of things to say?" Well, I don't. But I know you all check in to see what I'm thinking of at the moment. And like usual, I'm thinking of TV. Specifically, how great TV is going to be starting in January and going on through the spring. While the Fall TV season has been mediocre, the winter season will absolutely stain your pants. Here are my top 5 returning shows coming back this winter:
5. Prison Break - From the start, this show was only designed to go two seasons and after tonight, we're 75% done. PB is incredible...but since it's only going away for 6 weeks, it is ranked #5.
4. Entourage - coming back in March per Jerry "Turtle" Ferrarra...I'm kind of confused as to how the show will work since the boys fired Ari in the finale last season. After FOX Monday's in the winter, the 9-10:30 Sunday night HBO block is incredible. What precedes Entourage this March you ask???
3. The Sopranos - this gritty staple of awesome tv is returning for their final 8 episodes ever this March and I can't wait to see how this ends. The first half of the final season was pretty uneven but I think a lot will go down in the final episodes...you heard it here first, Christopher will get whacked.
2. 24 - I just got into this show during this past season and thus since then, after seeing how sweet it is, have watched every season on DVD and wasted quite a few weekends doing so. Jack is currently captured by a bunch of chinamen so it will be interesting to see how he gets out...and he has a very scraggly beard and that's always good.
1. The Shield - The Shield is hands down the best drama I've ever watched. And on January 9th, IT'S FUCKING BACK!!! I can't emphasize enough that you should watch this show, as rumor has it this could be the last season. I have never heard anyone that gave the show a chance say that they didn't love it. Trust me, Tuesday January 9th, 10 pm, turn Fx on.
TV. Is there anything better???
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
I don't really have anything to say this week so I figured I'd help my loyal readers by giving some gambling advice. Here are the spreads I like this week, ranked by confidence (fyi, I'm quite the WAC guru):
1. BYU -26.5 at home vs. New Mexico St.
2. East Carolina -2.5 at Rice
3. Nevada -20 at La Tech
4. Missouri -14.5 at Iowa St
5. Hawaii -24 at home vs. San Jose St
6. Notre Dame -31.5 at home vs. Army
7. Kentucky -19 at home vs. La Monroe
8. Boise St. -37.5 at home vs. Utah St (a lot of points, but believe me, Utah St. sucks)
9. Navy -31.5 at home vs. Temple
10. Wake Forest +2 at home vs. Va Tech
11. Tennessee -8.5 at Vandy
12. Florida St. -16 at home vs. Western Michigan
A few NFL games or as I like to call them, really, really hard games to handicap
Pittsburgh -3.5, Indianapolis -1, New England -6, and Detroit (that's right, the Lions) +2.
This post was approved by Federal Inmate 198734, Maurice Clarett.
Monday, November 13, 2006
While there's no doubt that he has been successful, Jim Tressel is as boring is as gets and after today's press conference, even more retarded than the Special Olympics. Let me explain...
Reporter: When you were growing up, did you root for Ohio State or Michigan?
JT: Both, I rooted for both teams.
Very confused reporter: You rooted for both Ohio State and Michigan???
JT: When you're a fan of football like me, you want both teams to do well.
When did Tressel become insane??? Does he seriously think that Lloyd Carr is going to read the transcript of this press conference and tell his team, "Boys, looks like Coach Tressel didn't cheer for us back when he was a kid...before any of you were born. This time that sweater vest has gone too far!!!"
Just be honest, JT, no one believes that you were pulling for both teams. It just makes you sound ignorant.
(This message was approved by the great Charlie Coles)
Thursday, November 09, 2006
So I'm sitting at work today trying to not fall asleep, daydreaming like a champion, and wouldn't you know it, an episode of Charles in Charge creeps into my mind. You know which one I'm talking about for sure. The episode in which the incomparable Buddy Lembeck (played my Willie Aames) invents this "machine" that can convert anything into a hot dog. By machine, I really mean, a red shoebox with a crank on one side and a hole on the other for the "new" hot dog to come out. This is amazing! Why didn't Buddy Lembeck get a job with NASA or the CIA or something, the man is a genius. You could give him a box of crayons or an old boot, he puts in the box, cranks the lever, and 2 seconds later out pops dinner! But if I remember correctly, Charles (Buddy used to pronounce it, Churls) was not impressed. What the hell was Charles thinking? Your friend, who you know is an amazing idiot, just revolutionized the food industry and put an end to world hunger!!! Buddy never got the credit he deserved for being a genius.
But I always wondered, if he took a dump in the box, how would that work? Would it smell/taste like a hot dog? Or just warmed up diarrhea?
Because I'll be damned if he tries to serve me a Scott Baio shit dog.
Monday, November 06, 2006
I'm getting pretty damn sick of this shit. Since I now live in "Conceited College Football Town", fans around here can't give any credit to any team outside of Columbus. It really is pathetic. These idiots are so wrapped up into their warped sense of "superiority" that they can't see that Rutgers and Louisville are having great seasons and deserve to play for something at the end of the season. 3 years ago, my beloved Redhawks, in my opinion, were the 6th best team in the nation (finished 10th in both polls, I rank them behind USC, LSU, Oklahoma, Michigan, and OSU). And while I didn't live here then, I'm sure the locals were talking about how we weren't good because we didn't play in the Big Ten. Well you know what...WE WERE GREAT. But we suck balls this year and thus I'm rooting for the Big East. And here are my reasons why the "little guys" deserve your respect and should be eligible to play for a national title.
1. The Big East is NOT a shitty conference. With the exception of OSU, UM, and Wisconsin, not one of the other 8 Big Ten teams would finish in the top 2 in the Big East. People in glass houses...the Big Ten is awful this season and the Big East has a legit 3 teams as well as a solid mustache-coached Pitt team that is on the rise.
2. The Big East doesn't play anybody? Louisville recognized that the conference schedule could hurt them so they went out and scheduled Miami and Kansas State back when both teams were top 10 teams every season. Should we penalize Louisville because these two programs are down??? They also crushed possible bowl-bound Kentucky. Oh yeah, and they just hammered the best offense in the nation. Michigan played an awful schedule this season and Ohio St. has only played one ranked team.
3. They have played the entire season without the second best RB in the nation (behind Adrian Peterson) and 5 weeks without one of the best QB's and still are unbeaten. I would like to see UM play without Henne and Hart for a month...or see how quickly the Buckeyes would turn to shit if Troy Smith went down. This may be the most impressive of my points.
4. It doesn't matter if Buckeye fans (like Buckeye honk, Bruce Hooley) don't WANT to see OSU play The Ville, the BCS says it's possible so get the fuck over it. You may be better than them on paper, but the BCS is designed to declare a true national champion. If you two or the last two standing, so be it...quit your bitching.
5. If there is still an undefeated team left from a BCS conference, they should have a shot. If any team can go on a 12-13 game winning streak over the course of a season, how is a 1 loss team more qualified to play for a championship??? They lost!!! I love Florida this year, still think that they should be ranked 1B, but you can't take weeks off if you want to win it all and they didn't show up one week.
Who knows, this could all be a moot point anyway in a few weeks, but I just had to get this off of my chest. This air of superiority that surrounds this city is almost suffocating. Keep in mind, The Ohio's dominated Illinois in Champaign a month ago and Ball St. almost survived the Big House this past week. The same Illinois team that my boys at Rutgers beat 33-0 earlier.
Just take your blinders off, please, and look around...there's much better football being played outside of the Big Ten.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Hell yeah, the NBA is back and I couldn't be more pumped. After the Cavs MASSIVE step in the right direction last season, I expect another large step this season toward a championship. Now for your enjoyment, here is my NBA Preview...hopefully a little better than my NFL Preview.
Ranking the teams:
30. Portland - this team is going to suck for awhile
29. New York Knicks - if you want to kill a franchise for a decade, let Isiah make personnel decisions
28. Atlanta - I see a HUGE season for Josh Smith in a contract year
27. Charlotte - Felton and Morrison will be great together...but not yet
26. Golden State - not even Don Nelson will help them, watch out for Mike Dunleavy, Jr this season though
25. Sacramento - when the face of your franchise is Ron Artest, you know your team is in trouble
24. Seattle - drafted 3 centers the past 3 seasons and they all suck
23. Philadelphia - Iverson won't be there at the end of the season
22. Orlando - Dwight Howard rules...too bad he plays next to Darko
21. Utah - Everyone in the West wants to run, these guys are content to get as white as humanly possible
20. Toronto - with TJ Ford, I like where this team is going but still too young
19. Memphis - got to love the Czar...but they lack playoff talent
18. Indiana - strip club shootings??? Stephen Jackson is burying this franchise, Rik Smits has to be pissed.
17. Minnesota - Brandon Roy is gonna be a stud, Ricky Davis is a dick.
16. Boston - LOVE Rajon Rondo...add him to West, Wally, and Pierce and I'm calling for them to make the playoffs
15. Milwaukee - Redd, Simmons, Villanueva is some pretty sick talent
14. New Orleans/Oklahoma City - Chris Paul is a stud and David West and Peja will be big this season
13. LA Lakers - didn't add anyone to support "The Rapist" this offseason
12. Washington - losing Jared Jeffries will hurt more than you think
11. Denver - will always love Earl Boykins
10. Houston - it's now or never for this band of underachievers
9. Chicago - could be the most athletic team of all time (see last night's game in Miami)
8. New Jersey - The Big 3 are still great and Krstic is turning into a big time scorer
7. Dallas - just have a feeling they won't be as good this season
6. Detroit - the minutes are adding up (see last year's playoffs), need to get some better bench players to spell the starters
5. Miami - getting really old, really fast
4. LA Clippers - absolutely love this team and Mike Dunleavy can coach...Chris Kaman = Hulk Hogan
3. Cleveland - LeBron finally has some stability in the organization and is ready to make the big leap
2. San Antonio - as long as Popovich is still there they are one of the best and most boring
1. Phoenix - no one can run with them, NO ONE, and with Kurt Thomas and Amare back, look out
Conference Final Predictions: Cavs over Heat, Clippers over Suns
Finals: Cavs over Clippers in 6. The King finally can sit atop his throne.
MVP - LeBron
Coach - Mike Dunleavy
Rookie of the Year - Rajon Rondo