Monday, October 30, 2006

Playoffs??? Playoffs???


Oh yeah!!! Playoff time in Ohio and our beloved 7 seed Wildcats are at Big Walnut Saturday night. There will be a caravan heading up to Sunbury after the OSU/Illinois game that will be fully crocked upon arrival. Since I am a member of the best Napoleon team in the past 2 decades, arguably ever, we will be representin'.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, N-A-P-O-L-E-O-N, Napoleon, Napoleon, Napoleon!!!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Go Home, You White Trash Losers!!!


You weren't ready for the big time...you didn't belong. See you again in 20 years.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Reminder of Fantasy Bowling


YES!!! Finally got my own fantasy bowling league set up. Anyone who wants to join, here's how but I have to warn you, I will OWN this league.
http://www.tokenworld.com/TokenWorld/PBA/pba_square.php

Create a team, join a league, the league name is: Ryan Shafer Sucks
the password is: seventen

If you have the balls, join, first tournament is next weekend...you may know it as THE USBC MASTERS!!!

Monday, October 23, 2006

The Jerk Store called, they're running out of you...



Move over, Curt Schilling, Rasheed Wallace, Phil Mickelson, Donovan McNabb, and Antoine Walker, there is a new #1 in my Most Hated Athlete list.

Kenny Rogers. What can you say about this guy that hasn't already been written on a men's room stall at a truck stop?

Well, let me try to capture the essence of this true American douche bag.

--tries to fight helpless camera men who are doing their job

--grabs a Tigers fan by the collar who was trying to get an autograph for his son

--knowingly disobeys MLB rules by putting pine tar on his hand NUMEROUS times

--claims the pine tar was a "clump of dirt" eventhough conventional wisdom says that if you are going to pitch the biggest game of your life, you would think you would make sure that you didn't have a massive shitstain on your pitching hand

--for some reason the umpires don't eject him on the spot, but tell him to wash his hand off...once again, normal logic suggests that a "clump of dirt" can be easily wiped off on his pants or a towel without needing to be washed

--there are numerous camera angles of home plate umpire, alfonso marquez, talking to him in between innings apparently discussing this in which rogers said that the umpire never said anything to him

--Head umpire guy, Steve Palermo, verifies that marquez and rogers discussed the shitstained hand which rogers said didn't happen although everyone in the world saw them talk

--the "clump of dirt" was also present in the exact same god damn spot for the division series and the alcs

--he shows up every hitter he's faced in the playoffs by over-acting his fist pumps and congratulating his teammates for making routine plays...there's a reason no one liked carlos perez, and it's because he showed up every hitter in the league

--he absolutely sucked for the yankees in the late 1990's...hell he has sucked for every team he pitched for with the exception of this season

--the aforementioned statement makes a lot more sense since he's probably been cheating with his grip all season

--i mentioned this two weeks ago, but he came out and sprayed the fans with champagne after winning the division series

--he feels that every pitch he throws is a strike and that since he is "kenny rogers" he deserves every call

--he looks like a guy that would beat up kids

--he doesn't deserve any of this

What a dick. I hate that guy. Kenny Rogers: Liar. Cheater. Dispiccable Human Being. Necrophiliac.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

People I Can Do Without

Downloaded this George Carlin rant, it's hilarious and will be even more funny when I type it.

People I can do without:
-Guys in their 50's named "Skip"
-Anyone who pays for vaginal jelly with an Exxon credit card
-An airline pilot who has on two different shoes
-A proctologist with poor depth perception
-A pimp that drives a Toyota Corolla
-A gynecologist that wants my wife to have three or four drinks before her examination
-Guys with a lot of small pins on their hats
-Anyone who mentions Jesus more than 300 times in a 2 minute conversation
-A dentist with blood in his hair
-Any woman whose hobby is breast-feeding zoo animals
-A funeral director who says "hope to see you folks again real soon"
-Girls who get drunk and throw up at breakfast
-A man with only one lip
-A boy scout master who owns a dildo shop
-People who actually know the second verse to the Star Spangled Banner
-Any lawyer that refers to the police as the "Federales"
-A cross-eyed nun with a bullwhip and a bottle of gin
-A brain surgeon with "Born To Lose" tattoed on his hands
-Couples whose children's names all start with the same initial
-A man in a hospital gown directing traffic
-A waitress with a visible infection on her serving hand
-People who have large gums and small teeth
-Guys who wear the same underwear until it begins to cut off the circulation to their feet
-and any man whose arm hair completely covers his wrist watch

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Randoms



-LeBron is in town tonight to play the Hawks. I really wanted to go but then I realized I am not going to pay to go to a preseason basketball game. Especially when Scot Pollard will be playing a lot.

-I'm still trying to find some green pants to finish my Peter Griffin Halloween costume. I'm pretty sure that if I can pull this off, I will be a major hit at Hineygate next Saturday.

-Starbucks pretty much works as an enema.

-Is Scrubs cancelled? If not, when the hell is it coming back?

-You heard it hear first, the Redhawks win at Akron tonight and the Redskins will win in Indy tomorrow. Why do I think the Redskins can beat the Colts??? One reason. Every time people think Brunell should be benched, he plays an ungodly game to silence the critics...even if it's just for a week.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

How the Mighty Have Fallen



So recently, the Akai has been bombarded with Subway commercials featuring the very photogenic Jon Lovitz. My question is, why does he have a fake mustache in the commercials??? It doesn't make any sense. He's not doing a character, he's being himself for christsake. My God, one of those commercials is actually on my fucking tv right now. Anyway, were Subway executives just sitting around doing their planning for their new steak sandwich ads and tossing around ideas like, "You know who can probably move some steak subs? Jon Lovitz. I mean the guy hasn't had steady work since that one awful season of Newsradio, people will surely be ready to buy what he endorses." Then another guy in the room chimes in with, "How about we give him a fake mustache and a red robe?" And the rest of the room golf claps at their wonderous idea. Pure idiocy.

One more thing about Jon Lovitz. Some network HAS to bring back The Critic. What a great cartoon. It stinks!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

FANTASY BOWLING


YES!!! Finally got my own fantasy bowling league set up. Anyone who wants to join, here's how but I have to warn you, I will OWN this league.

http://www.tokenworld.com/TokenWorld/PBA/pba_square.php


Create a team, join a league, the league name is: Ryan Shafer Sucks

the password is: seventen

If you have the balls, join, first tournament is next weekend...you may know it as THE USBC MASTERS!!!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Freakin' Sweet...



No, Austin, I am not going to talk about the Tigers. As much as I respect you for being a frequent reader, I do not respect anything out of The D.

That being said, we got a new neighbor this weekend here in Hilliard. That's right...HOOTERS is in town!!! I am so happy, I have never lived close to a Hooters before and this is amazing. Tart and I went tonight and totally gorged...great wings. Can't wait to go again...tomorrow.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Fuck Equal Opportunity



This year on the PBA tour, dumb bitch Kelly Kulick will be participating. What the fuck? A woman on the men's pro bowling tour? This is not right. Women can do pretty much whatever they want...with the exception of join ANY fantasy football league, try to play on the PGA tour, and BOWL PROFESSIONALLY WITH MEN. This is a man's sport god dammit and now it's been stained with menstrual secretions. Okay, I'm going to go throw up. To sum things up, this guy does what the bible tells him...and that is that WOMEN CAN'T BOWL WITH MEN.

Dick Weber must be turning over in his grave.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Speechless



I've been bumming around all week trying to figure out what happened to the Yankees/what does the offseason have in store...then something like this happens. This tragedy puts everything into perspective. Tragic. Obviously, not very many people read this blog, but I wish Cory Lidle's wife and six year old son my condolences. This shouldn't happen to anyone.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Wow!!!


I just looked at my NFL predictions from August...amazingly bad. It's unfathomable!!! Way too much love for the shitty Lions and the Cardinals.

I still believe in the sickness of Joe Gibbs though...the Skins will be in the playoffs.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Nice Series, Assholes...


Keep in mind, this is my blog and I can say what I want to say on it.

That was one hell of a pathetic last three days for my Yankees. Absolutely awful. As a Yankees fan, I don't believe that any team should ever beat "us". They have the best collection of players in the world and it always kills me when they get knocked out by a team that is completely inferior. I just hate it that my team is consistently good every year and the season is always ended by a flash in the pan team that, chances are, will not be over .500 next season while the Yankees are battling the 2007 fluke team. I'm not saying the Tigers are a fluke, and I congratulate them for the most part, but a LOT of career years have been had by the Monroe's, Thames's, Inge's, Todd Jones's, and Kenny fucking Rogers's on the team. Don't count out that next year.

That being said, the Tigers celebration OF A DIVISION SERIES WIN was a bit over the top. They still have 2 more series' to go before they have the chance to win ANYTHING!!! Look at this pic. They are carrying Jim Leyland off the field...why? There is still work to do. Back in '96 when the Yankees made their first run to the Series for the first time since '81, I don't remember seeing them douse each other with champagne after beating Texas in the LDS...but that didn't bother me. What REALLY bothered me was that fucking joke, Kenny Rogers, coming back to the field and spraying the fans with champagne. Are you fucking kidding me??? Maybe he was just so excited that he actually helped a team in October as opposed to walking in a series-ending run. I don't know, maybe it's just my frustrations pouring out of me toward the inadequacies of my own team, but one thing I know about my boys in stripes is that they always win with class. And for some reason I just think that the Tigers purposely showed them up tonight. But then again, Detroit and class aren't synonyms.

I hate the Tigers. I always have. I hate the fans that turned their back on them during their 119 loss season and now all of a sudden think they can talk shit to me. YOU CAN'T. I am a fucking Yankees fan and when it comes to them, I am not sportsmanlike. I will not say congratulations or tell you good luck. I am not a guy who wants the team that knocks my team out to win it all. I want them to lose and lose bad.

Eh, fuck it, the Redskins have the Giants tomorrow and make a statement to the rest of the NFC. I need to focus on that. Not to mention, I'm driving down to Oxford tomorrow after the aforementioned Skins game to watch Garrett Wolfe run for 450 yards vs. my lowly Redhawks.

Do or Die Time, Let's Bring Out the Mustache



(This rant was originally posted by me on ohiocardplayers.com)

OK, enough is enough, a Cubs fan shouldn't be allowed to post on a baseball topic about how in love he is with the tigers. Just stop, you aren't a tigers fan, I don't care if you want to see the Yankees lose, just stop acting like you live and die by tigers baseball.

1. Apparently there is no such thing as karma because a dickhead like Rogers shouldn't be pitching that great...and he was phenomenal last night.

2. Tiger fans with signs that say "BELIEVE" must not know that they were the best team in baseball up until the last 3 weeks of the season. I always suspected this but now I can officially say that "all Tigers fans are either white trash or ignorant."

3. Lost in the shuffle from last night was that Randy Johnson, I thought, pitched great. In the second inning, the tigers scored 3 runs on 4 bloop/seeing-eye hits and a TERRIBLE missed call at third base that would've ended the inning at 1-0. Nevertheless. You could tell Unit ran out of gas in the 6th though. Truly some guts though.

4. If the Yankees can somehow win today, and I think they can as Bonderman looks like a guy who will be overwhelmed and the Yankees have good numbers against him in the past, they will win game 5. Leyland starting a crappy Nate Robertson in game 1 and game 5 will hopefully be the story on Monday morning.

5. If the season ends tonight, which I will not be surprised as it appears that the Yankees have quit, at least to me, it's time to cut ties with Alex. It's just not worth it anymore. Dig up the corpse of Scott "Big Pimpin'" Brosius, I don't care. But A-Rod has to go.

6. Don't try to deny it either, the Tigers are catching a LOT of breaks in this series. Which I understand you need to win, but the Yankees haven't caught a break in the playoffs since the ALDS in 2001...getting kind of old.

It's Travis Prentice's world, we just live here.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Time for some lack of sleep...



Well, playoff baseball has begun again and if there's one thing I can count on, it is that I will be exhausted at work for the next month. That being said, some observations after the first game:

--Derek Jeter is really freaking good.

--Jim Leyland is great and I like him, but starting your 4 starter in game 1 is about as retarded as retarded gets. I'm talking Corky from Life Goes On retarded. Why would you want your 4 starter to get two starts in a 5 game series??

--After Bobby Abreu scored last night in the third and was coming in the dugout and getting high fives, I'm pretty sure that Jaret Wright called him "Sweet Pea". Even if this is not true, Sweet Pea is a great nickname and I will be referring to Bobby as this for the rest of his career.

--The Yankees bullpen is not very good. This is not news, everyone knows this.

--Vernon Wells is the epitomy of boring on Baseball Tonight.

--While anything can happen in October, and you know that's true because it's what FOX keeps telling us, the Yankees just look so much better than anyone in the playoffs in either league. And if you saw the reactions of normally calm guys like Sweet Pea, Sheffield, and Giambi last night, you can just see that they want this so bad and their focus is there.

--Joe Buck represents everything that is wrong about sports...Tim McCarver is close. If you let Buke and I do the games, the playoffs would be a lot better.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Are You Kidding Me???



This douche bag to your left is Ohio's football coach, Frank Solich. Last year, he was arrested in the cesspool known as Athens for driving drunk down the wrong way of a one way street and claimed that someone "slipped something in his drink/keg."

Anyway, I was listening to 1460 today and they said that the Ohio's A.D. found out TODAY that this year alone, 17 football players at The Ohio's have been arrested and NOT ONE have been suspended. NOT ONE!!! This has to be a first. I don't even think Jim Tressel or Bobby Bowden have this kind of streak of shitty characters and no punishments. Amazing.

BEAT THE OHIO'S!!!