A Picture is Worth a Thousand Hilarious Words

You've got to love Joe Pa.

T.O. has left me speechless...

Let me preface this post by saying that when T.O. was in San Fran, I really liked him. I found his antics hilarious and he was a lot less of a sideshow then. He even called Jeff Garcia a fag which everyone knows but is too chicken shit to say. But I hate every player in NFC East that isn't a Redskin and T.O. has played for two teams in the division. Thus, making him my NFL public enemy #1. I have found over the last three seasons that his "coverage" has been unnecessary and a ton of overkill. But that ended today. The news about his possible suicide attempt is absolutely sad, fascinating, puzzling, etc. Finding out what ESPN Tom Friend wrote about T.O's childhood and stuff is surreal. The guy has had a shit life outside of the NFL. I am absolutely glued to this story, much like Mo Clarett's, and I agree with my boy, Bill Simmons, who summed it up as perfectly as I could imagine.

"I was a little skeptical about his motives when I first read the story, I have to admit... he had turned into such a divisive character, and so many people were against him, and so many people doubted him, that if you're thinking from his perspective, this would have been the easiest way to change everyone's opinion of him - now we'll feel bad for him, and we'll say, "Maybe he needed help all along," and some of his less defensible actions from the last few years will be excused to a certain degree. But there's also a chance that he's just a profoundly depressed guy and just wanted a way out. That's why I don't want to comment either way until we know more of the facts.

But I will say this: Unless info comes out that he rigged this whole thing, or it was some sort of nefarious plan, I do think this will change the way people treat him and talk about him. For the better. He HAS become more sympathetic obviously. It's going to be fascinating to see how this plays out. "--Bill Simmons

I would like to end this by saying that T.O.'s performance in Super Bowl 39 was perhaps the most amazing, gutty show I have EVER seen.

The New King!!!

Congrats to the GREAT Walter Ray Williams, Jr. on his win at the Japan Cup and his passing of Early Anthony on the PBA career titles list. He defeated my boy, Pete Weber, in the finals. This is surely a sign of a magniicent keggling season!!!

Why I Don't Take the Tigers Seriously...

These idiots don't even know how to celebrate. YOU ALWAYS USE CHAMPAGNE...THERE IS NO EXCEPTION. These d-bags have Bud Light CANS!!! CANS!!! Aren't they professional athletes? Can they only afford cans? And who is the asswipe that has a Corona? What a fag. I think I even see a lime in his beer.

New Man Law: During a sports celebration, it is not cool to stop and cut fruit for your drink.



(this photo is courtesy of Drew's blog)

A Few Randoms

If the Redskins don't beat the Texans this week (by more than 4 points), and I'm parlaying them with the Jets, I quit. Seriously, if you can't beat an organization that passed on Reggie Bush for a black Steve Emtman, you should be contracted. What a turd they played on Sunday night against Mexico's team.

If you're not watching Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip Monday's at 10 on NBC, you don't know what you're missing. As a tv connoisseur, I love this show. Check it out, you won't be sorry.

I really like this new Survivor. I love how they split the tribes into different races. You can soooo see stereotypes unfold. Like tonight the Mexicans threw a challenge to vote off a tribemate and it was classic chicano backstabbing...it's wonderful.

I'm betting on the Buckeyes to cover this week since the spread went down to -16.5 instead of 17...right now I think it's a no-brainer since I know they won't come out sluggish again this week. Even if they win me money, I will still hate them so don't worry.

Heading back to Naptown tomorrow for the last time until probably Thanksgiving. Should be a good time with Damman's birthday tomorrow and Kyle "Spingo" Spieth's weddin' (it's pronounced weddin', not wedding in Naptown) Saturday night. Nothing beats a Ridgeville Legion wedding reception...blacked out the last time I was there.

How to Fix a Broken Toilet

Let me preface this post by saying, I LOVE MIAMI. I consider it the greatest university in the world and one of the best places to live. Everything about it, I'm in. And along with that, the athletic programs are always on my mind. Some people that go to "smaller" schools do not have the same loyalty as I do which I find to be a fucking joke. When people ask me, what's your favorite college team, I always answer "my Redhawks."

That being said, the lowest point of my Miami-loving life was achieved this weekend when my beloved Redhawk gridironers (not a word) lost AT HOME to KENT FUCKING STATE. I have never been more embarrassed. This has officially replaced the Jon Wauford knocking out the Marshall fan after the game in 2002 as the ultimate "just want to cry at our patheticness" moment. This is truly abyssmal. For a program that three years ago when Big Ben was playing his last game was on the verge of being the next mid-major to break through and establish itself as a player in the college football landscape, this is absolutely bollocks.

And here I am now, 4 days after Kent State mule-kicked EVERY ALUMNUS in the dick, with my list of ways to bring Miami back to the top of the MAC and a force to be reckoned with once again.

1. Fire Shane Montgomery
-----I like Shane, I really do, but he has flushed this program down the toilet in only two years. Too many losses at home and poor decisions leave me no choice but to recommend his termination. Solution: Hire a big name coach. I can't believe I am suggesting to follow their lead, but look at The Ohio's. Frank Solich has brought a solid reputation and excitement back to a cesspool of a program. Possible candidates: Mike Ditka (in a dream world), Rick Neuheisel, Bob Davie, Wayne Fontes, Joe Gibbs. Joe Gibbs would be sweet.

2. Utilize the alumni
-----Miami alums for the most part are freaking loaded. Get some money. Go out and start going after some players. Not just players that Toledo and BG go after. But not necessarily who Ohio St. and Michigan go after. I'm saying to go head to head with the Indiana's, Illinois's's's's, Louisville's, Kentucky's and whatnot of the world. Playing time is what matters. If athletes are good enough to play in the NFL, they will be found. Just go out and tell these kinds of recruits, why would you want to go to a program that will win maybe 10 games in 4 years, when you could come to Miami and win 10 a year and go to bowl games every year. So what I'm saying is for the alumni to open up their purses and allow the program to recruit outside of southwest Ohio. There are only so many kids with talent in the area, get on some fucking planes and be aggressive.

3. Utilize the alumni pt. 2
-----The most famous player in Miami history is currently one of the most popular players in the NFL. That being said, bring Big Ben in every summer to talk to potential recruits, have him remind everyone that you don't have to go Big 10 to make it big, and make sure he brings his Super Bowl ring with him. How could this not affect at least a few recruits??? As a recruit on a visit, what would you rather see, a Super Bowl champion QB or a picture of Jared Lorenzen giving Tubby Smith a hard-on??? This could also work for Redhawk basketball with Ron Harper with his handful of rings and/or Wally coming in.

4. Play the right schedule
-----With the exception of this season, Miami always play at least one incredibly impossible game per season in which they get to play Michigan/OSU, be on TV, and get absolutely embarrassed. Not necessarily the right kind of light to be shined on the program. I recommend the "Toledo Rule". Schedule a couple low end teams from BCS conferences, play them during the week to get on ESPN, and beat Kansas/Missouri/Pitt/Iowa St. Then people get up in the morning, turn on Sportscenter, and see that damn, Miami beat a Big 12 team last night. This happens every year to Toledo. They beat some team that ends up finishing 3-8, but at the time they defeated them, people think "huh, that's interesting". It works and people remember when you beat schools that are much bigger that on paper, you shouldn't be beating.

5. Ugh
-----Whatever. My fellow graduates have accepted losing and are making me out to be a martyr. I'm dying for all of our football program's many sins. Thanks for the hits today.


Well, there it is, how I would fix the Redhawks. I was even going to recommend to start paying recruits but I don't think that that is as necessary as going after the right players and not settling on a team of white guys. This is college football, not Napoleon High School.

Big Post Tomorrow

After this week's amazingly embarrassing loss AT HOME...TO KENT I will be posting my ways to fix Redhawk football tomorrow. Why tomorrow??? Because I am still trying to gather my thoughts and figure out how you LOSE TO KENT AT HOME.

Another Beautiful Season Begins Tuesday In Japan!!!

Listen up, crotchstains, the 2006-07 PBA season begins on Tuesday with The Japan Cup and I have had many recommendations to list my favorite bowlers. I started following this great sport as a sophomore in college and have attended the 2004 World Championships in Ypsilanti, MI. Yeah, I have bowling street cred. Anywho, here's my list of favorites with comments.

10. Danny Wiseman - colorful guy that has sported a Nathan A. Miller cool cut
9. Parker Bohn III - one sweet mustache
8. Mika Koivuniemi - The Big Finn, saw him live in Ypsi
7. Dave D'Entremont - a true legend, he looks like what a bowler should look like
6. Brian Voss - a true legend and also quite a character
5. Norm Duke - biggest nerd on tour but you have to love him
4. Randy Pedersen - no longer on tour but the "voice of bowling" will always hold a special place in my heart
3. Walter Ray Williams, Jr - Ol Dead Eye is the best bowler in the world, the best horseshoe pitcher in the world, AND gave me an autograph in Ypsi...truly a man's man
2. Doug Kent - I love this guy, probably because he always reminded me of the dad from Just the Ten of Us which was a phenomenal tv show.
1. Pete Weber - PDW, what else can you say? Bowls with sunglasses on, never graduated high school, and gives crotch chops to his opponents...what an athete.

Hopefully the bowling shitheads like Mike Scroggins, Tommy Jones, Ryan Shafer, and Chris Barnes go away this year so my boys can get back to the top. Either way, should be an insane season this year in the PBA!!!

Random Nonsense

I was just listening to the radio while showering (Drew, keep your dick in your pants) and noticed that almost all hard rock stations have a segment at night known as "Mandatory Metallica". Which got me thinking, is Metallica the only band that has a "mandatory" music block? Do easy listening stations have "Mandatory Manilow"? Or what about "Mandatory Meat Loaf"...THAT would be sweet. But to sum things up, this blog entry is giving you readers your Mandatory Mustache.

Biggest Day of the Year

Today is a massive day in the life of G$ as Time Warner visits the house today to hook up internet and more importantly, CABLE! It's been two fucking weeks since I've seen good tv and I'm tired of watching damn Wheel of Fortune. Hopefully Buke doesn't screw things up and we get hooked up by the time I get home from work.

Another dominating performance from G$ this week in the G$FL. Gridiron Maiden will surely repeat as champion this season.

I came back to work from my long vacation of doing nothing on Monday. My office is in a shithole neighborhood to say the least but at least the guys in the office seem pretty cool. Hopefully I don't get shot during my time at that branch.

Posts will be more frequent now as I know you are all pins and needles for me to post more.

Dammit

I have to go back to work on Monday, I'm pissed.

I will be rocking the mustache tomorrow for the OSU/Texas game and more importantly, the Redhawks/Purdue beatdown.

New Car and No Cable

First off, rest in peace to the very entertaining Steve Irwin. Someone should seriously question the Florida Gators mascot over his death though after ESPN repeatedly showed Irwin embarrassing the reptile.

Having no cable and no internet at the new place kind of sucks. And by kind of sucks, I really mean like a kick in the dick. I played so many games of Madden yesterday that today I am suffering from "Nintendo Thumb".

Bought a "pre-owned" car today and got rid of the shitty Jetta. Got an '06 G6, the bastard cousin of my beloved GA. I like it and the trade-in value of my VW was a pleasant surprise...way more than I would have sold it for.

ONE WEEK UNTIL CABLE/INTERNET!!!