Wednesday, August 30, 2006

One More Little Hilarious Nugget

Saddam Made To Watch 'South Park' Movie:

Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein is being made to watch his appearance in cult cartoon 'South Park' while he is behind bars.

The deposed leader on trial in Iraq was featured in the movie spin-off as the lover of the devil. 'South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut' featured Hussein and Satan attempting to take over the world together.

Speaking at the Edinburgh International Television Festival, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone said US Marines guarding the former dictator during his trial for genocide were making him watch the movie "repeatedly".

"I have it on pretty good information from the Marines on detail in Iraq that they showed him the movie last year. That's really adding insult to injury. I bet that made him really happy," Stone said.

Last Post For a Few Days

This will be my last post for a few days as tomorrow morning I will FINALLY be moving into our condo. It's about goddamn time. Tomorrow night will also feature my trek to Oxford for the beginning of a college football season that I will surely not care about. I hate saying this, but take Northwestern giving 3...it's a mortal lock.

Friday, I'm heading back home for the holiday and more importantly, the GFL Draft (no affiliation to the G$FL). I have finished third the past two seasons and personally think the auction style draft is the best way to go.

As far as the G$FL Draft goes, I thought good times were had by all. The Stube was a more than gracious host to us and some of us partook in some brew-dawgs. Drew won the award for most hungover. I think I definitely have to most fierce backfield with Edge, Cadillac, Reggie Bush, Coke-dealing Jamal, and Mr. Ronald Dayne.

I like Saul's stable of WR's the best with Fitzgerald, Randy Moss, and Javon Walker as starters and Glick has the best QB's with Peyton and Warner. Overall a good time though and I'm already pumped for next year's draft!!!

Another post hopefully Monday or Tuesday.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Congratulations Oakland Raiders!!!


A lot of smack was run toward the New York Jets yesterday at the G$FL Draft about being the worst team in the league...along with Buffalo and anyone that has to face Lions Defense. Well welcome to the top, Oakland Raiders. With your disregard to logic and common sense, you now vault to the worst team, and biggest joke, in the NFL. I'm sure Jeff George will give Raider Nation many years of quality play. What did those very loyal fans do to deserve Jeff fucking George??? Aaron Brooks sucks giant balls but I don't even think he is sweating having Jeff f'n George behind him on the depth chart.

By the way, my draft was incredible. People did dumb things, I was not one of them. A post on that will come soon but I'm hoping that I get to move in the next day or two. Two words though: RON DAYNE.

Redhawk Football 2006: More Cowbell begins in 2 days.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Cleveland's Last Stand


Man, I got pretty lucky and had a bitchin' time on my last night in C-Town. A veritable Who's Who of people that have left Enterprise showed up. Anyway, good times were had, I called it, the whole "douche bag gene sleeping on my futon" was told twice as well as the Latko quitting 3 times in two weeks while receiving a promotion after the second quit. Insane story. Anyway, we decide to go bowling (fuck yeah) and I didn't realize until yesterday how drunk I was at that point. I had a 154 and a 165 (also a 104). Anyway, there is one thing you need to know...anyone that has ever worked for Enterprise is a degenerate gambler. There was easily 200 bucks on the table for the final game of keggling. It was also decided before the last game that we were going to a strip club...fair enough. So at like midnight, BC, Latko, Felberg and I head to Scarlett's in Twinsburg. It is owned by the same people that own the Scarlett's in Toledo which for my money is the world's greatest strip joint. This one is new and not nearly as great. Anywho, it wasn't packed at all so all these whores are talking to the 4 of us and we have a charismatic crew so they stick around without harrassing us for a dance or some shit. I'm talking to this whore and start berating her because she doesn't dance to any Motley Crue. Here's a random sample of my tirade: "How can you not dance to the Crue? Every song is worthy of a lap dance. I've been here for an hour and haven't heard Girls, Girls, Girls once!!!" Somehow, we got a private booth, which is nothing special except it's a giant couch. One of BC's friends bought a $75 bottle of Moet, he went to get a lap dance, and when he came back we had drank it all. It was sweet. The three of them bought me a lapdance which was nice of them but not a very good dance. But since I think they paid her in Lydell Ross money, I'm sure she didn't really care. Got home at 3:30, don't really remember how, must have been a good night.

G$FL Draft is tomorrow...pumped.

I'm still homeless.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Last Night in Cleveland


Well, it's over tonight. Going out with the peeps one last time. I'm sure I'll get drunk and everyone will tell the story of Gene staying at my place and how I let him drive from the bar completely shitfaced. Well, he is a Jew...good times.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Absolutely Delightful


2006's version of The Boston Massacre has just take place. Fuck the Red Sox. This is clearly a sign to all of baseball that the Yankees are the best team in the league...WITHOUT A DOUBT. Just like the Steelers last season, Derek Jeter will get "one for the thumb" in October this year.

It's baaaaaaaaaaaaack


Tonight marks the return of last year's breakout hit, Prison Break. Just ask FOX, they'll agree that it was great. Anyway, this show is tremendously awesome and always leaves me wanting more. Complete edge of your seat drama that thankfully featured very little man-on-man butt-loving last season. Well, the boys are out and on the run now which should lead to some A-Team-style missed gun shots and a lot of sweaty shirts from the "cons".

It will be interesting to see how T-Bag can move around now that his hand is chopped off. Will Abruzzi ditch the crappy Volkswagen german rapper ads to be a Russian mob boss again? Will Sucre continue to call his broad, Mommy? Will Haywire still be riding that kid's bike with a helmet on? Will Tweener get his comeupance for slicing off Avocado's pecker? Will Lincoln do something about the constant wrinkles on his head? Will Bellick still be living with his mom? All this and more tonight...ON FOX!!!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

It's so over...


Tiger is so going to win the PGA today, although I see Weir pushing him. Ratt rules.


Looks like I'll be working 2 more days up here and then moving down Wednesday...hopefully...I'm, like, 95% sure that that is what I'm going to do.

Friday, August 18, 2006

What an amazing mustache!!!


How can you not like this guy??? What a "look"!!!


A bit of a problem with my plan to move this weekend...dammit.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Less Than 5 Days...



Hell yeah, Madden 2007 comes out on Tuesday. I will be picking this up as soon as I wake up. I haven't played Madden since my junior year of college when Kuehn had it and I think I played 15 dynasty seasons with the Redskins, Packers, and no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. I loved it. I have been very loyal to the NCAA football games for the past 3 years but this year I'm going back to Madden. I buy one video game a year, two sometimes when I buy the new year of Tiger Woods, and this will surely be it. I will be wasting a large chunk of my two and a half week vacation with this...as well as fantasy football drafts and moving and whatnot.

By the way people that are in my fantasy leagues, look out, I'm doing some MASSIVE research this year; analyzing schedules, offensive lines, and whatnot. I expect a few titles this season.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Buke's Theorem of Whitetrashness

Alright, the other weekend Buke was drunkenly telling me tell-tale signs of the white trash. I guess you could call him the Jeff Foxworthy of extreme redheads.

1. White trash drink Mountain Dew. I find this one hilarious and for the most part true. It doesn't mean that normal people that drink Mountain Dew, or Mountain Too if you're at Frosty Boy, are rednecks. But ALL white trash drink Mountain Dew...even the diabetics. So chances are that if you see a guy with a cut-off t-shirt on and he's not holding a beer, he's probably holding a Dew.
2. White trash pay in cash. This is probably very true of hilljacks as they more than likely don't believe in banks and use a Folgers can as a deposit box.

I also have a few of my own that I thought of this week.

1. White trash drive Monte Carlo's. This is a straight line issue for me. If you drive a Monte Carlo, YOU ARE WHITE TRASH.
2. If you care about Hemi's, you are white trash. No one in their right man gives a shit about hemi's and the commercials suck too. Hemi's are marketed to those two drive-thru losers in those commercials justifying the white trashness of the product.

Hell's Kitchen finale tonight. There's a nice little preview of it on Drew's Blog that you can find the link to on the left. And we are one week away from the return of PRISON BREAK!!!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Stupid Scene in a Great Movie



So I'm watching Back to the Future right now, which is a tremendously sick movie, and one scene bothered me. The scene in which Marty is singing Johnny B Goode with Marvin Berry and The Starlighters at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance in particular. He's not even freaking singing, it's the REAL SONG!!! That doesn't make any sense to me. At least have Marty sing it himself. I mean the song didn't even exist at that time so how would he be able to play the vocals on the sound system??? Never understood that. But then again, Biff Tannen rules this world, we just live in it.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Truly Pathetic



I had to face a harsh truth today. After work, I'm grabbing a sandwich at Quizno's for dinner (FYI, best sandwiches ever, Subway blows donkey balls), and I have a nice but brief conversation with the manager, which I do every time I go there. On the drive home I come to the realization that my best friend in Cleveland that I didn't meet through work or isn't The Assbag, IS THE MANAGER OF QUIZNO'S!!! I think I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.

Pete Weber rules.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Clarett Part Deux


This article by Tom Friend of ESPN The Magazine truly shows how fucked up this guy is...take a look, you will be amazed.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?id=2545078

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Deliciously Hilarious



What a story. This picture, albeit from his last arrest, says it all. One day I hope to have the world by the balls and flush it down the toilet too.

I truly enjoyed typing "Maurice Clarett mugshot" into Google today...really brightened up my spirits.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

NFL Preview



The greatest sport in the world kicks off in less than a month and it's time for me to give my predictions.

NFC East: 1. Washington 2. Dallas 3. NY Giants 4. Philadelphia

NFC North: 1. Detroit 2. Chicago 3. Green Bay 4. Minnesota

NFC South: 1. Carolina 2. Tampa Bay 3. Atlanta 4. New Orleans

NFC West: 1. Seattle 2. Arizona 3. St. Louis 4. San Francisco

Wildcards-Dallas and Arizona

AFC East: 1. New England 2. Miami 3. NY Jets 4. Buffalo

AFC North: 1. Pittsburgh 2. Baltimore 3. Cincinnati 4. Cleveland

AFC South: 1. Indianapolis 2. Jacksonville 3. Houston 4. Tennessee

AFC West: 1. Kansas City 2. Denver 3. San Diego 4. Oakland

Wildcards-Denver and Baltimore

Divisional Playoffs: Carolina over Arizona and Dallas over Detroit...Baltimore over New England and Kansas City over Denver

Conference Semifinals: Washington over Dallas and Carolina over Seattle...Baltimore over Indianapolis and Pittsburgh over Kansas City

Conference Finals: Washington over Carolina and Baltimore over Pittsburgh

Super Bowl whatever 41 is in roman numerals: Washington over Baltimore. Joe Gibbs wins his 4th and then rides off into the sunset.

NFL MVP-Larry Johnson, Coach of the Year: Rod Marinelli, Offensive Rookie of the year: Reggie Bush, Defensive Rookie of the Year: Ernie Sims.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Bad Timing



How much must it suck to be a pro golfer right now? Every week, you have to compete against Tiger and, to a lesser extent, Phildo. You pretty much have no chance even if these two are playing at 80%. Granted the money is good for second or thurd place, but you have no real shot of winning a title. I think I would hire Gilooly and Shane Stant for a knee job just for the extra advantage.

My NFL preview is coming up. So is a ranking of every channel on my tv that I haven't deleted. As well as what programs I would put on the air if I had my own network. Good days are coming on the blog...I just wish this damn move to Columbus was over.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Tunes I'm Listening To Right Now

I promised some that I would post a topic of what I'm currently listening to. Here we go, definitely downloadable, yet somewhat obscure.

1. Boz Scaggs - Lido Shuffle
2. Death Cab For Cutie - Crooked Teeth
3. Electric Light Orchestra - Don't Bring Me Down
4. Golden Earring - Twilight Zone and Radar Love--Radar Love fucking rules.
5. Guster - One Man Wrecking Machine
6. Anything from the Team America: World Police Soundtrack
7. King Harvest - Dancing In the Moonlight
8. Thin Lizzy - Whiskey in the Jar

More on #8. When I first heard Metallica cover "Whiskey in the Jar", I thought it was awesome. But now that I'm older, I wanted to know what the original sounded like. And if not the original, a version from a couple decades ago. I found a version by Thin Lizzy and it is absolutely amazing. It's totally stripped down without being as loud. You can actually hear the lyrics too, which by the way, it's a good story. I absolutely recommend a download of this song whether be by Metallica or Thin Lizzy or anyone else.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Comedy From My Man-Crush



From The Simpsons episode in which 'Bron made a cameo...

LeBron: Omelettes for dinner? This is the best day ever!

Lisa Simpson: But didn't you just sign a $90 million contract?

LeBron: Yeah, that was a pretty good day, too.

Priceless.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Major Faux Pas...

So last week at work I take a car in to the service station that we get all of our oil changes done. Every time I go in there I always engage in some light small talk with the manager, named Norm. You know the small talk, "hot out there today" and "you guys been busy", that kind of stuff. Well, last week I changed our friendly relationship forever when for some reason I called him Mort instead of Norm. I'm not sure why I said that, but it happened. Now everytime I go down there I think he might kill me. What the fuck was I thinking? Who's named MORT!!! I'm such a dumbass. And this comes from the same guy who absolutely hates it when people call him "Craig" or "Gregory". I am such a hypocritical asshole. Fucking Mort.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

No more BANG at The Q


Bad news today. For some unknown reason, the Cavs have released play-by-play all-star, Michael Reghi from their upcoming telecasts. Reghi is the fucking best in the league. Unless the team has Marv Albert coming in, this makes no sense. The voice of LeBron is no longer here and it's bullshit. Who's gonna remind Austin Carr about eating a DiGiorno now!!!

Fuck that, Reg will be missed.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The Countdown Begins and Supermarket Chicanery



One of my "underlings" at work is former Redhawk DL Larry Burt. While stopping by their office today, before I left, he had this to say to me:

Larry: Hey Li'l Boss (his nickname for me), one month.

Me: One month?

Larry: Until we beat the shit out of Northwestern.

Hell yeah, while the team has many question marks with only ONE returning defensive starter and a new QB, they should still be solid.

I just was picking up some eats at the grocery store. You know how you go to the deli and ask for like a pound of turkey or whatever? Well this dumb bitch in front of me did not believe in that theorem. She actually asked for $2.00 worth of salami and $2.50 worth of cheddar cheese. Are you fucking kidding me? I wanted to slap that ho.