Monday, October 23, 2006

The Jerk Store called, they're running out of you...



Move over, Curt Schilling, Rasheed Wallace, Phil Mickelson, Donovan McNabb, and Antoine Walker, there is a new #1 in my Most Hated Athlete list.

Kenny Rogers. What can you say about this guy that hasn't already been written on a men's room stall at a truck stop?

Well, let me try to capture the essence of this true American douche bag.

--tries to fight helpless camera men who are doing their job

--grabs a Tigers fan by the collar who was trying to get an autograph for his son

--knowingly disobeys MLB rules by putting pine tar on his hand NUMEROUS times

--claims the pine tar was a "clump of dirt" eventhough conventional wisdom says that if you are going to pitch the biggest game of your life, you would think you would make sure that you didn't have a massive shitstain on your pitching hand

--for some reason the umpires don't eject him on the spot, but tell him to wash his hand off...once again, normal logic suggests that a "clump of dirt" can be easily wiped off on his pants or a towel without needing to be washed

--there are numerous camera angles of home plate umpire, alfonso marquez, talking to him in between innings apparently discussing this in which rogers said that the umpire never said anything to him

--Head umpire guy, Steve Palermo, verifies that marquez and rogers discussed the shitstained hand which rogers said didn't happen although everyone in the world saw them talk

--the "clump of dirt" was also present in the exact same god damn spot for the division series and the alcs

--he shows up every hitter he's faced in the playoffs by over-acting his fist pumps and congratulating his teammates for making routine plays...there's a reason no one liked carlos perez, and it's because he showed up every hitter in the league

--he absolutely sucked for the yankees in the late 1990's...hell he has sucked for every team he pitched for with the exception of this season

--the aforementioned statement makes a lot more sense since he's probably been cheating with his grip all season

--i mentioned this two weeks ago, but he came out and sprayed the fans with champagne after winning the division series

--he feels that every pitch he throws is a strike and that since he is "kenny rogers" he deserves every call

--he looks like a guy that would beat up kids

--he doesn't deserve any of this

What a dick. I hate that guy. Kenny Rogers: Liar. Cheater. Dispiccable Human Being. Necrophiliac.

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