Saturday, July 15, 2006

The Dawn of a New Era...Online

It all started at Joe and Trisha Good's wedding reception. While talking sports/whatnot with a Mr. Nick Eberle, I admitted to him that I read his blog. He was impressed and told me that it's easy to do and you can talk about anything you want. I thought, an open forum to discuss all of my insane wacky views on life? Sign me up. So I'm in. I'm officially an internet knob that thinks their blog makes an actual difference in anyone's life. But I will prove you all wrong...I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE, like that idiot that traded a red paper clip into a house. It took a year and many trades with equal if not greater losers, but he got a house. I am completely off track.

So. This has been a terrible week. If VH1 had a "Worst Week Ever" show, I would be the opening topic. Let's list the great things that happened.

1. Monday I take my car in to get fixed because it sounded like a damn helicopter. $150 bucks later, I have a new exhaust system pipe.--Note, three weeks ago I dropped 450 bucks on a new front axel and radiator.

2. Tuesday, I came to the realization that I can no longer sleep in my bedroom because it's way to f'n hot to get a decent night sleep...so I'm back on the futon. Awesome.

3. Thursday, I am heading home for lunch, my car won't start. Bad starter. $250 more bucks. Fuck that. In less than a month I have dropped $850 bucks on my piece of shit AFTER I have said that I will never put another dime into that car. It's amazing how expensive getting from home to work can be.

4. Yesterday, and this hilarious, shit, I have to give some background on this. So, I work for Enterprise Rent-A-Car inside a Progressive Service Center. Basically, we provide all of their accident victims with replacement vehicles. Well, they tell me that this one lady's car has been finished for a week and that we should go get it because she won't return any of their calls. By get it, they mean repo the thing. I love repos. There is nothing better than taking stuff from losers that doesn't belong to them. It's great, I have no sympathy for shitheads. "Fuck 'em"--The Bernie Bokerman Theorem. Anyway, I run the show for Enterprise and I have an intern and a car wash guy (porter) working for me and I send them out to get this scumbag's car back. They get back 30 minutes later and the intern looks like he just shot Lincoln. I asked him if it went smooth. He told me that the garage door was open, the keys were in the car, the driveway was blocked, and he took it out of the garage and drove half through the yard to get it back. Hilarious. I was straight rolling on the ground laughing. The intern is such an honest and innocent kid. Well, stealing cars back in marginal neighborhoods will make you hardened. Then it hit me that I was going have to deal with this lady and her husband/pimp. When the car gets back, I always look through it just because if I don't, and don't see if there is anything valuable in there, they can say that there was and accuse us of stealing. So upon inspection, the trunk featured dirty daipers and a stroller, the back seat was consumed by baby clothes and other stuff that is for people 25 years younger than I am. The front seat was a different story. Right there, right in the f'n cup holder was a bag of weed with a recently used bowl right next to it. Great, I'm dealing with a pothead. So they come in, I'm talking to them, basically blaming Progressive for having the car repo'd. I told them I would wave any fees to have that filthy ass car detailed as long as they got all of their shit, and I mean shit, out of the car. Thinking the situation was resolved, I go back in the office when one of the Prog. people tells me that the husband wants to talk with me. Fuck, almost made it. I get out there and he says that he had $45 bucks in the cupholder and that we stole it. Fucking liar. There was no cash in there. Then this thug fuck tells me that his "medicinal" marijuana is missing as well. I basically told him that his "medicine" was still there and that he was lying. Side note, medicinal marijuana is not legal in Ohio I am told. He tells me that he wants the name of the guy that took the car so he can talk to him and that "someone is gonna get hurt if I don't get my stuff back" and steps up somewhat to me. I didn't back down but I didn't step up because who am I to get into a rumble with a glassy-eyed stoner in the middle of a place of business. So I tell him I have to make a call and see what I can do to help them out. I call my boss's boss and he doesn't answer. I call my old manager, Mikey T, explain the situation and how I should tell this guy that I'm not giving him anything. His response amid laughter, "Tell him to go fuck himself! Does he want you to buy some pot for him? What an asshole." Big help, Mike. So, the great compromiser that I am, I give the ghetto trash the business card of my boss's boss who is an asshole anyway and tell him that I can't help him. So basically, I passed the buck to a guy that I hate and I got the burnout out of there. It was a giant waste of an hour for me. I've never been accused by anyone of STEALING THEIR DRUGS. It was a definite first. Fuck him. It's nice to see he's "helping his glaucoma" with infants in the backseat. Some people.

That's enough typing for tonight. In the weeks to come, I will have diatribes on tv, music, movies, the upcoming move to Columbus (get your ass moving, Josh), my fantasy football preview, and other sports topics.

2 weeks until Put-In-Bay for Wally and the Beav's weekend and Spieth's bachelor party.

One more thing, conrats to Steph and John Black on the birth of their son, Brayden Gregory Black...I am just going to say that the middle name is named after me eventhough it's spelled wrong and not my real first name. But it's a nice gesture you two. Best of luck. But that does mean no more "Steph is huge" jokes. Where will Glick's comedy come from now???

1 comment:

Randolph said...

Just wanted to be the first to post a comment. I think the blog is a good idea.

Why do I have to get my ass moving?